Sunday, September 22, 2013

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 13!

I looked ahead, Tin's girlfriend 'Nameless', whom I dislike a whole lot, sticks around for a while, at least up to issue #30. I'm sort of looking forward to doing the latter-day issues of the run, actually, since art duties are switched over to a rotation of really cool dudes. Still, I'm not willing to skip over 17 stories just because Nameless is there, contributing nothing to them.

Okay, there's a setup where the Metal Men entertain some folks for like the tenth time, but that's boring enough for me to not bother (sorry). As they head back to the lab, a beam erupts from the sea and slices a commercial airliner in half. During the rescue, Lead shields the flying saucer and plane from further blasts, but is melted when one actually hits him -- apparently it's pretty acidic.

Doc's pretty torn up about Lead being hurt so badly in the plane rescue. In one of the more comical things I've seen in a while, the whole team besides Platinum and Mercury commits suicide as they head back to the lab. And, bizarrely enough, this wasn't Tin's idea. 

That's classic Metal Men logic right there. Again, pretty surprised this wasn't Tin's baby, since let's be honest, he seems like the type. Mercury stayed because he loves himself too much and doesn't want to give up the chance to be the leader for once; Platinum jumped but came back when Doc called to her because what else was she going to do?

Doc retrieves the melted bodies and puts them in the Metal Recovery Room while he tinkers with their responsometers. That's when he realizes what did away with Lead -- a bad guy they encountered before. Since I don't buy that you missed the cover of this comic, I'll just tell you that it's Chemo, a giant chemical spewing monster and the Metal Men's most recurring enemy. He was also the only Metal Men bad guy who got a Who's Who entry, if you're like me and care about that.

Doc heads out to confront Chemo... alone, not finishing the repairs on the out-of-commission Metal Men and not intending to take Mercury or Platinum. Luckily for him they stow away in the saucer, because what was he thinking?

Chemo's origin is a silly one, and is told via a flashback, and then a flashback within that flashback. A doctor was trying to create some kind of wonder drug and created a giant mold he would pour his failures into to remind him to try harder. Eventually it all just came to life and blasted him. 

It loses something when you actually see it, but it sounded sort of cool as described in Who's Who, honest. Chemo captures Doc and Platinum (having taken Mercury out of the equation with a chemical spew) and telepathically communicates his desires. Like, he shows his plan to Doc like a movie. It's handy that he has this new ability, since he can't really talk and all.

What kind of question is that? "This scorpion is stinging me! Why? WHY?" Chemo is a lot of things but I really wouldn't characterize him as an idea man. I'm sure he just hates everything; if I were him I'd probably kind of hate everything. Besides, it's not like his powers have any other application. Doc has Platinum retrieve the Metal Men along with a suddenly A-OK Mercury, but they don't have time to put anybody's heads on right. Well, more like Mercury wanted to be the one in charge, even if that meant keeping his buddies helpless. In case you had forgotten, Mercury is the worst friend you could ever hope for.

Finally, near the end of the story, we get the payoff to what was promised on the cover. Would you believe that they get their heads and bodies mixed up, until Tin and Nameless get it right and save the day? Naturally, they do this in a suicidal fashion, since this is the Metal Men and Doc never gets tired of watching them die.

I think I just saw a walking flask suffocate. He even made a sound that wasn't SSSS or GURGLE at the end there, a legit death rattle. Again, this is a strange comic, not a bad one. Well, Nameless doesn't completely ruin it, at least. She didn't really do anything (besides defeating Chemo, but I don't see how Tin couldn't have done that one solo), which only reinforces my opinion that she's a completely pointless character.

Of course the issue ends with Tin and Nameless repaired in the Metal Recovery room and surrounded by Doc and the other Metal Men, all happy to see them up and running. I think the other Metal Men find Nameless as creepy and stupid as I do, by the way, since they hardly ever talk to her.

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