It all started with the Big Bang! Part 8 (Issue #8)

I'm skipping issue #7 for two reasons. One: The headliner is a Mighty Man story in the vein of a 70s Marvel Captain Marvel story, and no offense but it didnt' interest me for a second. Two: #8 is an absolute blast. Whereas most Big Bang stories and characters are straight pastiches, aping the style of old DC material without making any comment on its quality, this one is pure satire, mocking the various "ages" and trends of the superhero genre very openly.

The cover is a really cool wraparound number that sort of communicates the idea of the issue right off the bat.

Our hero is Mr. US, who as you might imagine is based on Captain America quite heavily. This makes him one of only a scant handful of Big Bang heroes to be based on a Marvel Character -- the only other I can really think of is the Badge, who is only half Captain America. There's a little more to it than that, but you'll see later.

The comic is presented to us as an excerpt from a book, "Mr. US: 50 Forgotten Years", with a forward written by "Prof. Emil Garbanzo". It's only appropriate that a pastiche of a blond ubermensch should have a spoof of Miracleman's Emil Gargunza writing about him. Anyway, the idea is that we're going to see snippets of Mr. US stories from across his 50+ year character history - from the 40s to the 90s. And let me tell you, it's pretty hysterical stuff.

I'm going to try to post stuff other than the big action scenes for once, too.

The original Mr. US was Caspar Milquetoast, a 4-F weakling with flat feet. He was approached by scientists working on "Project Nazi-Stopper", and was turned into a cyborg. His enhancements include  mechanical arms, a mechanical leg (right), a radio built into his head, and stainless steel arches in his feet. However, one of the scientists, Henry, is secretly a Nazi spy named Heinrich. Caspar notices something suspicious about Henry and decides to follow him -- wearing the costume Project Nazi-Stopper designed for him, of course. He busts up Heinrich's spy ring, and takes a stray dog as his sidekick Dogtag. This seems fairly standard and unironic, except for the part where Mr. US makes up Dogtag's name on the spot.

Oh, and the casual racism; both before and after becoming Mr. US, Caspar makes a couple of comments about "Nips". He also hates "Ratzis", but that's a fairly popular sentiment.

After superhero comics lost popularity, Mr. US wasn't seen again until 1963. This time he's 18-year old Dave Donovan, more a parody of Peter Parker than Steve Rogers. He has relationship troubles and nobody really likes him. In the hospital to get his tonsils removed, a mix-up with his chart has him instead enhanced as the subject of the top-secret Project Patriot.

The scientists who enhanced Dave stop him as he leaves the hospital and explain the mix up to him. They're Doctors von Bismark and Tokai, a German and a Japanese (although both or either of them might be that and -American) -- people Caspar Milquetoast wouldn't have been caught dead talking to.

However, their assistant Evan is secretly a Soviet spy named Ivan. Sadly, he doesn't look much like Heinrich. While Tokai and von Bismark talk to Dave about his employment possibilities with the government, Ivan steals Dave's clothes, hoping to find a wallet so he can know what address to kidnap him from later. Dave sees the whole thing, and gives chase wearing the costume seen above. He busts up the Soviet spy ring, before realizing he's late for the school dance, where it turns out his crush Polly ended up going with that asshole Bart.

The mid-late 60s went with the camp ridiculousness often associated with the Silver Age (as the introduction to this segment puts it, they tried to "duplicate popular TV shows that thought they were duplicating comics"). Anyway, Mr. US and his sidekick US, Jr. are held captive on a space station by some talking gorilla with four arms and medals on his chest.

Yeah, B.A.D.G.U.Y.S. Mr. US and US, Jr. are members of G.O.O.D.G.U.Y.S., naturally, the Government Organization for Organized Defense of the United (Yeeha!) States. And lookit that Bob Haney, early Teen Titans slang. Like, you're steppin' on my pride, Clyde! This Mr. US, name unknown, has an origin like Dave's (and most of the same enhancements, except the transistor is replaced with "infrared" eyes and ears), except he deliberately caused the mixup that turned him into Mr. US. No spy involved this time, and this Mr. US mostly fights colorful costumed bad guys like the Money Manipulator and Harry Horrid.

Anyway, blah blah, he defeats the evil gorilla guy, but he and Jr. need to get off the space station in 20 minutes before "the missiles" are launched... and that's the end. Halfway done!

This next one is my favorite, because it's based on something very dear to me: Mark Gruenwald's Captain America.

This is specifically based on the storyline where Steve Rogers quit the position of Captain America and adopted the identity of Nomad, the Man without a Country, and trekked across the land to get in touch with 'the real America'. The US Government and military were the bad guys for once, so Captain America couldn't be the establishment anymore.

This Mr. US is Brett Kowaski, a college student and draft dodger who was beaten by police at a "no nukes" protest and callously scooped up by the army as the test for Project Perfect Patriot. Brett, with little exaggeration, doesn't really like America, and is disgusted when he wakes up and is shown the Mr. US costume.

Told he'd be killed if he refused, Brett acted as the army's strongarm, fighting the establishment's definition of "bad guys" -- real threats like aliens and supervillains, and harmless dissidents like he used to be. Eventually, he got sick of it and quit, deciding he'd be happier running from the military than serving it. Brett's changed his mind about America by now, and like Cap-as-Nomad, he wants to find it, to understand it -- and one day, represent it earnestly. It's implied he even still has the costume, but isn't wearing it at the moment.

Okay, second-to-last is, I think, the most uproariously hysterical thing I've seen in a while. It's the 80s, but the late 80s -- and what says late 80s comics like Watchmen? Yeah, that's the spoof here; dig the 9 panel format.

I think I may like this too much to explain what's so funny about it. I doubt anyone else even seen this as particularly biting satire, but I think it's brilliant. This Mr. US seems to be a re-envisioned version of the original -- he's Casper Milquetoast, a long-retired superhero with a horribly dreary life, some pretty serious depression, and a marriage that's barely keeping him sane. He's got narration text boxes with screwed up edges, like Rorschach. Unlike every version of the character before him, he's nearly totally cybernetic, but with Terminator-like skin on top. Or so it seems...

I don't mean anything against Watchmen, because I love it to death, but this is a great parody of it and its imitators -- it's a too-serious comic that doesn't understand how ridiculous it is. It's exactly what Morrison talked about in Animal Man: trying to dignify a costumed lunatic. Of course, Morrison's equally guilty of that in Animal Man -- which is why this segment is also in part a parody of the early Vertigo line, with its gritty, emotional revamps of established DC heroes like Swamp Thing and Shade the Changing Man. You may not remember the less successful revamps of characters like Brother Power, because they were exactly like this.

Finally, what else, 90's Mr. US.

This one's easy to tell you about; Mr. US shakes down some goon about the location of mobster Freddy Lorenzo, whom he then kills. When asked about his origin, Mr. US replies that he has no idea what he is or where he came from. Narration says he doesn't even care -- he's a butt kicker, he kicks butt, simple as that.

Mr. US never appeared again in any Big Bang story; I think he might be fictional within the context of the Big Bang universe, meaning that Carl Kelly could wind down from a long day as Ultiman and read a Mr. US comic.

It Came from the Dollar Bin! (Prologue)

I recently hit a used book store to see what they had in the way of comics. Turns out they had a huge, like, horizontal shelf for single issues, with 4 or 5 longbox-length individual shelves. And I'm not sure what this says about my taste, but I found everything I like there, in that bin, costing a dollar bagged and 50 cents loose.

This isn't something I'd done since I was a kid, understand; most of my comics are bought as they come out, or in trades if they're older. I swear, my back is killing me after bending over those boxes for as long as I did.

Oh, and speaking of trades, the selection was pretty poor. Before I moved on to the bin, I checked the trades on the shelves -- the only thing I was vaguely interested in reading, much less owning, was, no joke, Trouble by Mark Millar and Terry Dodson.

Anyway, the dollar bin. It was a veritable treasure trove of amazing material; I went home with only 9 issues, but I'm VERY happy with my purchases.

Sectaurs #1 (For my 80s mania; they also had Robotix #1, but I had to draw the line somewhere)
H-E-R-O Double Feature (collecting the first two issues)
DNAgents #1
Tom Strong #4 (AKA the one with the Art Adams art)
Ninja High School #1
Youngblood #1 (for historical context, primarily)
The Tick: Heroes of the City #1
Gen13 vol. 1 #12 and #25

There was a whole collection of Gen13 v1 in there, all bagged and boarded, though the issues were jumbled about quite a bit, as customers pull stuff out then shove it wherever all the time. There were also issues missing, which I imagine was due to other customers buying them previously. Other complete collections included Catwoman, Stormwatch, and X-Force. Also DV8, but that was incomplete as hell, as if someone bought up the whole run before I got there and only extra issues were left. I actually saw some comics that I picked up in a used book store when I was a kid, like Generation X #4 (the Christmas issue with Orphan Maker).

Oh, and I found some New 52 stuff. Yeah, already in the dollar bin (though, admittedly, it was GI Combat and Deathstroke)

In the spirit of all this crap I found, I'm going to do a one-off post about each #1 in there. Just the #1s; I don't want to jump into story arcs all half-cocked.

The Creature Commandos! Part 7 (Weird War Tales #109)

This is the first of a two-parter, and after WWT #100's issue-length adventure, the longest CC story to date.

Yeah, they're doing the Dr. Strangelove thing. And when you see it in context you may notice it's even more blatant than it looks.

The token origin recap takes the form of a full page of Death introducing the CCs. The only notable thing about that is Velcro, who is wearing a popped collar with a mostly-unbuttoned shirt, which makes him look like Disco Dracula. 

I don't see any credits for who does the art for the Death segments (which is different from the actual stories in a given WWT issue, at least to my eye), and no offense, but he's not that great -- even his Death looks goofy.

Speaking of Velcro, he's the focus as the story starts off. The CCs are in liberated France, relaxing at a cafe (bizarrely openly). Velcro drinks from a huge jug of wine, which he bitterly smashes against the table, enraged at how unsatisfying it is. Not that it's crappy wine necessarily, but it's just... not blood, which is the only thing Velcro can really ingest these days. He angrily attacks a waitress, nearly biting her before Lucky pulls him off.

Lucky, the sensitive soul that he is, plucks a flower from a nearby table and gives it to the girl in apology. Despite Shrieve's comments about "giving her nightmares", she rewards Lucky with a kiss on the cheek. Aww. I find this a pretty interesting scene; it's not often that Velcro lashes out like that.

Velcro gets his fill of chicken blood at a butcher shop, and they head to a mission briefing. As it happens, Griffith's transformations still seem to be pretty random, and he claims to have no control over when they occur; this means that human Griffith is getting on the plane. German armor is demolishing Allied infantry and tanks, and with the dense fog neither artillery or fighters can come to the rescue. The CCs are to jump out of a bomber after it drops its payload, and destroy a dam in order to drown the panzers.

However, it's not that simple, as the last of the bombs gets stuck in the bomb bay doors. Shrieve tells Lucky to fix it, and he obliges by tackling it loose. He keeps hold of the thing as it descends. I think this is another manifestation of Lucky's death wish.

It's not long before the other CCs bail, as German night fighters zero in on the bomber and the pilot tells them to jump. The bomber is destroyed seconds later, and Velcro's chute is ruined by an enemy fighter. This isn't such a big deal for Velcro, who just turns into a bat and hunts down the pilot who put him in this situation.

When the pilot slides back his canopy to check for Allied chutes, batty Velcro swoops into the cockpit and bites his neck, causing him to panic and crash. I guess it goes without saying that Velcro's bat form is like Superbat, stronger and faster than any normal bat. Velcro naturally leaves before the plane wrecks, and soon rendezvouses with Griffith and Shrieve in a dense forest.. Griffith turns wolfman before Velcro's eyes, and for once we get some insight into what's really in Griffith's head -- Griffith is in wolf mode, but expresses disdain for his monstrous form and wishes to be a normal human again, permanently. I guess humanizing Griffith had to happen some time or other.

Shrieve greets the two Creature Commandos, saying that Lucky must not have made it. Not long after he says this, Lucky shows; it turns out he let go of the bomb and deployed his chute at more or less the exact last second. I just noticed this; last issue he got basic vocal chords, but now he's back to being totally mute; naturally, this means he can't explain how he survived to anybody. He also recovered the explosives they need to destroy the dam, which were dropped by parachute before they jumped.

Later, after finding their target (the Knolde Dam), they begin setting up the explosives. They're spotted by an enemy patrol fairly quickly, but that's what the CCs are here for, right? There's a really badass part where Lucky pounds in a tank with its own torn-off treads, but check out him busting up this half-track.

Griffith, Velcro, and even Shrieve join the fight after they finish rigging the explosives, but said ordnance goes off early and they're, you know, hoist by their own petard, caught in the ensuing flash flood. This was intended to mess up whole tank divisions, you can imagine how rough it is on four commandos.

The captions make no  bones about how desperate their situation is, and... that's it, tune in next time. I'm just going to go ahead and hazard a guess that next time everybody's okay and they meet a hot woman with snake hair.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men, Part 7!

Remember when I said issue #6 was the most ridiculous story yet? That's basically a meaningless description, as it applies equally to every issue.

I've mentioned this before, but one thing I like about these covers is how handy they are -- you're basically told what's gonna go down in the issue, and exactly what's at stake. In this case, a little blind boy's life is at stake. I bet the roller coaster can't actually see anything behind its face and it just feeling blindly with those pincers.

I think we're officially past the "first page is another angle of the cover" phase, which I have mixed feelings about. Eh, I guess it's cool to have more variety and not see the same image three times in one story.

If you've guessed that this issue is cheesy and melodramatic, then you understand exactly as much about it as I do. So as the story begins, some kids are headed somewhere to see the Metal Men, who are doing some charity benefit show or something. Timmy, the blind kid above, however, doesn't think there's much point in him coming, and angsts about his condition. The actual Metal Men drive past (at street level!) in one of Doc's  flying saucers, running late, when Platinum sees Timmy all alone and tries to talk to him, but he blows her off without realizing who she is.

At the show, the Metal Men basically show off their properties and powers. For instance, Gold turns himself into a stack of giant coins, which all have his face on them, and flips them Iron's way -- to show off both Gold's malleability and Iron's strength. Tin, however, has something to prove as usual, and is flattened trying to catch the coins. The audience loves it, probably thinking the pratfall was 'scripted'. When it's Platinum's turn to show her stuff, however, she rushes back to where she saw Timmy; she can't stop thinking about that poor lonely kid and wants to keep him company.

Talking to him, she realizes he's blind; when he touches her face, he realizes she must be Platinum of the Metal Men, and assumes the others are there with her. In a real heartwarming moment, they show up just then.

Mercury isn't toxic, right? Because this kid totally touches him. He gets to feel every one of the Metal Men and acquaint himself with who is who. Timmy's mother shows up and tells Doc that he's her son's hero, and how cool he thinks the Metal Men are -- and, in a plot point that I imagine is to be revisited later, mentions that a cure for his blindness may lie in new chemical compounds (or so the doctor says). Doc, who has been a real sweetheart all issue, decides to treat Timmy to a day with the Metal Men.

However, Doc's good cheer evaporates when Platinum starts yakking in his ear. They start their usual argument, and I have to wonder how Timmy feels when he sees them like this. Platinum promised Timmy that Doc would be able to cure his blindness, so once they get back to HQ Doc heads to his lab to see if he can find anything or work something up (however much he doubts it).

With the Metal Men unsupervised, they naturally do something stupid: let Timmy play around in one of Doc's space rockets! They don't just let him fiddle with the controls, they let him seriously launch it. I'm wondering how we're ever going to get to the evil amusement park from here. Something goes wrong and the rocket won't return to Earth -- and then it starts going bananas due to "cosmic turbulence". Tina forms a wire cage to shield Timmy from the other Metal Men as they bounce around.

They end up landing on some unknown planet. Platinum manages to spin this as a good thing for Timmy -- not only did he hang out with the Metal Men, he'll be the first boy on whatever planet this is! Surprisingly, this is the location of the evil amusement park seen in the opening and first page. Timmy's having an absolute blast and is really into visiting the alien theme park; he's told it's just like Coney Island, which excites him because he always wanted to go to the real one but his mom thought he might get lost or disoriented in a big crowd.

Lead and Tin's speech impediments seem to come and go this issue, I just noticed. Anyway, the Metal Men remark that the rides are weird as hell, and don't have motors or controls that they can see. They all climb into the roller coaster, but there's no lever to pull to start it -- it just starts moving when Timmy wishes it would. Gold theorizes that the rides are living robots, like themselves, which is borne out when the roller coaster sprouts arms and tries to kill them!

As we've come to expect, Self-Sacrifice Theater commences when everybody starts bailing. Lead, Tin, and Iron all try to stall the arms long enough for the others to get free, but ultimately they all manage to get out okay. Timmy, as on the cover, asks Platinum to not bother with him, considering himself a hindrance, but obviously she's not hearing that. Just as soon as everyone's safe, peril strikes again.

Lead and Iron turn into missiles themselves to combat the air-to-ground assault, after Timmy again insists he be left behind for the sake of the group. I think it's kind of a cheat to have any of these guys turn into something like a rocket; they're just solid metal, they can't propel themselves through the air. After fighting off the Ferris Wheel, the Metal Men are all blinded by the giant flashbulb as they pass the photo booth -- meaning Timmy is now essential to their survival!

Timmy expertly guides them back to the rocket, but the rides from the park have decided to stop messing around, and are just running after them. The issue ends as they're about to board the rocket, with the rides bearing down on them menacingly. Dun dun DUUUUUUUN.

It all started with the Big Bang! Part 7 (Issue #6)

This is the last color issue of the Image run; almost everything Big Bang self-published after leaving Image is in color. I'm not too happy about that, since obviously colors are way better than no color in Silver Age Superhero fare. Of course, no colors just makes it look that much more like a Showcase collection or something.

Also of note: this is one of the only Big Bang comics to feature just one story. If anything I'm reminded of the Metal Men, as this is an "amazing three-part novel" or "novel-length adventure" that would easily be a huge three-month, 20-title crossover today.

So, okay, this is technically a reprint of a story from the original Caliber Comics run, but whatever. Cover art by Curt Swan, though. I don't see why Golden Age Ultiman doesn't merit a credit on the Knights of Justice side of the cover, or where the Silver Age Knight Watchman is, though.

The Silver Age Beacon first appeared in this story, but the Human Sub had his origin story in Big Bang Vol. 1 #2. Basically, he's Dr. Noah Talbot, an aged scientist who designed a robotic full-body prosthesis that he was forced to transfer his own mind into as he suffered a heart attack. The robot body is powered by "hydro-glycerin" and needs to be submerged in water at least once an hour. His sidekicks are his granddaughter Mora, alias the Moray, and Bubbles, an amphibious chimp with hydro-glycerin for blood.

I'm guessing Swan's pencils for the cover were finished before they decided to change him to the Atomic Sub. Or even before they did the first Human Sub story; the first page has Swan's original art, with a totally different looking Human Sub. Cyclone's also an all-new character, but there's not a lot to say (or know) about him until the Whiz Kids get their own stories.

And see, look, Golden Age Knight Watchman isn't even in this, jeez. 

The story kicks off with the Blitz running late to an appointment at Round Table of America HQ. Apparently he lives in the Southwestern US, because that's where he's coming from. HQ is at "Capitol City" on the East Coast. So he really kicks it into high gear to make it in time, but once he gets through the door of the Hall of Heroes, he sees something so shocking he alerts the rest of the RTA for help. But when help arrives, the Blitz isn't there -- at least, not their Blitz!

As you can no doubt imagine, a fight breaks out, and oddly enough the Atomic Sub seems the most eager to teach the 'phony' Blitz a lesson. Yeesh, take it easy, old timer. Incidentally, the Beacon's powers appear to be similar to her Golden Age counterpart's; that thing in her hand gives off light in different colors, each with its own effect. Kudos for creativity, I think most people would have just given their ersatz Lantern regular construct powers.

The Blitz runs rings around the RTA members, but Ultiman manages to clock him one and knock him out. Almost immediately, Dr. Weird, the Spectre analogue, pops in to say he knows where the "real" Blitz is. From the other heroes' reactions, it looks like they've never met Weird before. 

Naturally, the Silver Age Blitz is at the Hall of Heroes on another Earth, where he's getting manhandled by the Knights of Justice. 

That blast knocks the Blitz right out, as well it should, but as before, Dr. Weird appears before the Knights of Justice. I'm referring to both groups as though they're the full team, but come on, these are abbreviated versions of the KoJ and RTA. 

It turns out Dr. Weird is talking to both groups at the same time, with each group not even knowing the other figures into it (except the Blitzes, I guess). The Beacon says that Dr. Weird is telling the truth, according to his power crystal; I guess he's the truth-detector because he's the only one with any super-equipment akin to WW's lasso. 

Dr. Weird exposits that there are two Earths, which split off from each other in the early 20th century: Earth-A, where it's 1965, and Earth-B, where it's 20 years earlier. He also makes note of the two Blitzes, two Beacons, etc., without really explaining what causes that. So it turns out someone opened a portal that the Blitzes accidentally traveled through, and if it isn't closed soon, both worlds are doomed. Weird has it stabilized for the moment, but can't keep it up much longer, and tells of machines on each Earth that are widening the portal. Both Ultimen independently decide to go give Weird a hand.

Meanwhile, apparently the other members of both teams (and the displaced Blitzes) know where to go to find their machine. I'm gonna go for the No-Prize and say Weird gave them the information telepathically. The KoJ arrive in Paris, where a huge robot gorilla and a crazy looking machine are on top of the Eiffel Tower. The Blitz rushes at the robo-ape, but disappears after it swats him away. While Venus and Thunder Girl distract the robot, the Beacon uses his red force beam to amplify his strength so as to destroy the machine. He does this by simply punching it, causing it to explode. When the dust settles, only Thunder Girl is conscious, and the Beacon is missing.

The RTA head for the Statue of Liberty's torch, which houses their world's portal machine thing. The Beacon is the first to notice it, and I'm having flashbacks to #4, when the Golden Age Beacon fought guys on Liberty's torch.

The Blitz runs afoul of another robot gorilla, identical to the one seen a second ago, and disappears after is blasts him with a ray. The Beacon tosses it into the water with her yellow levitation beam, and the Atomic Sub swims toward it to finish the job. Suddenly, the Beacon vanishes into thin air herself!

It turns out that the Blitzes and Beacons were simply pulled away by Dr. Weird, who needs more power to keep the rift stable. That this happened in conjunction with their fighting the robo-apes appears to be a simple coincidence. The Beacons join hands with their respective Blitzes, and discover that giving their energy to Dr. Weird hurts like crap. The Beacons are forced to sap power from distant stars in order to provide enough for Weird to go on. 

Meanwhile, a mysterious cloaked figure supercharges the Earth A robo-ape, which revives, knocks out the Atomic Sub, and grabs the machine before the Knight Watchman can take care of it. The Knight Watchman decides to call in reinforcements in the form of the Whiz Kids, who find the mystery baddie's lair on Ellis Island easily enough, but run into trouble fighting the robo-ape... until Bubbles starts messing around

After this odd scene, the robo-ape comes to its senses and knocks Bubbles into Kid Galahad, who accidentally crashes into the machine, sending both of them... somewhere when it explodes. That "somewhere" was Earth B, where they're met by Venus and Thunder Girl. Thunder Girl sees Bubbles' costume and realizes who's behind all this, and resolves to go to Earth A via the still-intact device in order to stop them.

Meanwhile, on Earth A, the big bad guy is holding both worlds hostage with the device, which is really more of a bomb and seems to be okay after colliding with Kid Galahad and Bubbles. At some point the Knight Watchman and Atomic Sub showed up.

Suddenly, Thunder Girl bursts through a small explosion, having traveled via the device as mentioned previously. She grabs the villain, revealing him to be her archenemy Dr. Binana, the talking chimp. Binana says he created the portal to plunder both worlds, but is willing to settle for destroying them both! After Binana activates the bomb, which is of course on a timer, the Atomic Sub grabs it, flies over the sea with his jetpack, and tries to bury it as far underwater as he can. Shortly after he leaves, the Knight Watchman gets word from Kid Galahad that they've disarmed the bomb on their end. This eliminates the threat to both worlds, as without the second bomb this is just any old bomb.

However, the Atomic Sub couldn't get far enough away from the explosion in time, and died trying to save two worlds. Everyone is automatically returned to their home Earth... except for Thunder Girl, who remains on Earth A. Dr. Weird says this has to do with her power source and origin, as she's a mystical being of two souls and whatever. We end on a somber note, with funeral proceedings dedicated to the Atomic Sub -- even on Earth B, which he'd never set foot on.

The Creature Commandos! Part 6 (Weird War Tales #108)

 This is the big time -- both the Creature Commandos and G.I. Robot graduate to full headliner status starting with this issue. Also of note: CC stories start to have a continuing plotline.

And, I'm gonna be honest with you, the story that kicks off is somber as all get-out. The CCs are in a London war hospital, where Lucky is being treated. What happened to him? Oh, well he tried to kill himself with a razor blade. Personally I'm concerned about the hospital staff's ability to treat him, due to his size and unique physiology. As Lucky is wheeled away, Velcro assaults his CO, saying that if Lucky doesn't make it, neither will Shrieve.

 You know that I think is interesting? When not in wolf mode, Griffith takes Velcro's usual role of the voice of reason/everyman the reader relates to. Oh, and I was expecting a scene like this since the first appearance of the CCs; of the group, Velcro seems to bear the most resentment towards Shrieve, and the two are constantly at odds. Lucky's suicide attempt was the last straw, we're to assume, as Velcro has a flashback to a few weeks ago to fill us in with the details.

They were on a mission that took them to a concentration camp! I'm inclined to believe they're there to liberate it, but little is ever what it seems to be in these stories, I've learned. Incidentally, Griffith's unreliable transformation problem may be a thing of the past due to Army Intelligence scientists tweaking the formula that gave him his powers. Naturally, the transformation still carries with it a dramatic change in personality, from innocent farmboy to bloodthirsty lunatic.

As the CCs go at it, Velcro thinks about what got them there, and we get the obligatory origin recap that I'll spare you. Hey, every issue is somebody's first. They tear through guards as Velcro ponders why he and the other CCs even do this, before admitting he knows exactly why -- because of people who build and run camps like this one. Speak of the devil, a German officer pops out of the blue, armed with a large cross-tipped staff to cow the monsters before him.

Obviously, the CCs are playing along. Especially Velcro, since crosses are actually supposed to ward off vampires. None of these guys are "real" monsters (unless you count Lucky), just simulacra created through scientific means; Velcro drinks blood instead of eating regular food, but can probably stand a little garlic.

So the captured commandos are dealt with in different ways. Griffith is kept in a cage, where guards laugh at him and throw rocks; the caption calls this degradation worse than anything his twisted mind could come up with. Velcro is subject to endless scientific testing, Lucky is put to slave labor (complete with whippings),

Shrieve is simply interrogated, and admirably he refuses to divulge anything. I actually kind of respect the guy for that.

Lucky collapses from the strain of the tireless labor and is taken in by a kindly, elderly doctor, who seems to have some pull around the camp as the guards don't make anything out of it. She tends to him, saying that she saw in his eyes that there was a man inside the monster's body. Her name is Marie, and she's a French scientist, forced to defect else her family be killed. She designed an experimental nerve gas, which she's still working on. As she reveals this, it's clear she knows exactly what Lucky's going through -- what it's like to be turned into a monster.

Just as she and Lucky embrace tearily (for real), an officer and some guards burst in and take Lucky away, berating Marie for harboring him. Turns out they only let her do what she wants because she's not finished with her nerve gas, and she keeps nearly all of the information on it in her head.

A few days later, the CCs are tied to posts, ready to face a firing squad. The execution will be filmed, and is sure to become the biggest propaganda hit since Triumph of the Will! I have to admit, this is fairly clever -- what better way to demonize the Allied forces than to portray them as monsters, after all?

Shrieve whispers to Griffith, saying they learned what they needed to and can now escape, confirming my suspicion that their capture was intentional. Griffith concentrates, turning back into a human -- a scrawny human who slips right out of those chains. At the same time, Velcro frees himself with his own quick change act, turning into mist and thereafter a bat. Griffith refuses to change back, determined to prove himself as a human, and fights like a man possessed. Velcro manages to hurt people in bat form without biting or scratching them, and I'm just going to accept that. Anyway, Lucky breaks free of his own chains and frees Shrieve, and then things get CRAZY.

Naturally they fight off guards easily enough. Marie sees the display and cheers on Lucky, who comes towards her, grabs her head, and cracks it against the ground before silently wailing in despair. It turns out, that was the mission: Marie was actually the real Dr. Renee Frederique, whose impostor you might remember from WWT #97. They had to eliminate her before her deadly nerve gas was completed, and it was agreed before the mission that whomever identified her first would be the one to do her in. Lucky's suicide attempt was brought on by the guilt he felt for killing her.

Lucky turns out to be alright, though; owing to his, uh, condition, he can be "repaired" all but endlessly. The doctors have even fixed his vocal chords somewhat, though he still can't speak intelligibly. Velcro and (human) Griffith visit him, and for the first time I really get the sense that these three are friends -- they care about Lucky, and he cares about them.

In the end, Velcro says it takes more courage to live than to die, and that he knows Lucky has that courage. Shrieve commends Velcro on his inspirational speech, and I have to say, even Shrieve came out of this story looking alright, he didn't really do anything wrong for once. Anyway, on a shot of the sun coming up, Velcro remarks that if Shrieve's handing out compliments, there might be some hope for this world after all.

I think this was a great way to establish the CCs for their new headlining deal, and it brought a lot of new stuff to the table for once. We got to see the human side of Griffith, whose wolf form is pretty flat, we got to see the tragic side of Lucky in more detail than usual, and even the heroic side of Shrieve during the interrogation scene. If I had read this when it was coming out I like to think I'd be hungry for more.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men, Part 6

The other day I found out about a Metal Men movie in development, with the director of Men in Black attached. The news was about a year old, but it's still something that I'm certainly interested in.

Jeez. I love a Silver Age cover because they never beat around the bush -- you're generally shown exactly what the stakes are and given a pretty good idea of what the story's gonna be like. 

Believe it or not, for the first time the first panel isn't a duplicate of the cover; I think I know why, and I'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Also, turns out "the Sun Brain", or maybe "Solar Brain", is basically exactly what it sounds like.

Maybe it's me, but didn't they just get back from space? And think about it, every time they went to space or another planet, something bad happened -- they brought back moon microbes, became stranded on a planet of giants, and Doc turned into an evil robot. I know it's a big place, but if I had a terrible experience every time I went to China, I'd probably stop going after a while.

This issue starts out quite a bit like #2 did -- the Metal Men and Doc are just kind of chilling. Platinum gets Doc some water when she thinks he's overworking himself, Lead shields Doc from the blazing sun at the beach, that sort of thing. The captions note that Doc might complain sometimes, but he really does appreciate how much his creations care about him. Doc also takes Platinum boating (on a boat constructed of Gold, Lead, and Iron, no less) in the park; Platinum can't help but feel this is a romantic gesture, and to be honest I'm kind of with her on this one, Doc is kidding himself if he thinks this is completely innocent.

A month later, however, Doc is about to shoot himself with the Metal Men in that gun form from the cover --  against his (and their) will! I think this is why the big first page panel wasn't the image from the cover, since it shows up just a few pages in, and again towards the end.

Yeah, this was all epilogue, or in media res or whatever. And we go from stuff we'll see again in a minute to stuff we saw before -- a flashback to the end of the Gas Gang debacle. As Doc recovers from the illness brought on by having his robot parts turned into steam, Platinum cares for him. Doc, naturally, is bellyaching the whole time and insulting her 'delusions of womanhood'. Later, Platinum bakes Doc a pie, but when she goes to give it to him sees he has a visitor - a model named Ava Woods, who wants Doc to get well soon so he can judge a beauty pageant. Ava makes a patronizing comment about Doc's unconvincing "suit of armor" robot girl, and as you can imagine gets that pie right in her face. Platinum vows to enter the pageant herself and beat Ava. 

Elsewhere, Gold, Lead, Iron, and Mercury are continuing Doc's research projects while he's ill. If Doc told them to do this, I have to say, he really should have known better. They're tracking solar prominences, eruptions from the surface of the sun, when one of them breaks free of the star and starts careening through space. It gets blasted with cosmic dust, hit by a meteor storm, and caught in a nova. Because this is a comic book, that "cosmic energy" turns it into the Solar Brain!

Iron mistakes the creature for a childlike, curious being, especially when he sees it put the rocket back together. However, it places the rocket on a collision course with another spacecraft, destroying both! Soon, Doc has recovered enough to return to his work, and the Metal Men tell him about the Solar Brain. They've come to the conclusion that the Solar Brain can force objects to do its bidding - which is why the manned rocket flew straight into the other spaceship after it put it back together. Mercury thinks it can easily control living beings as well.

Later, Platinum enters that beauty pageant, and manages to do quite well -- the judges and other contestants think she just went wild with body paint for a laugh, and are stunned by her radiance. She's a shoo-in to win -- until Doc, who is judging the event after all, reveals she's a robot, disqualifying her. Ava takes home the crown or sash or whatever, and Platinum is so incensed she wraps Ava and Doc up in wire and spins them like a top. Ever the drama queen, she says she never wants to see Doc again and is going somewhere he'll never find her. Before he can do anything, Doc gets news that the Metal Men have found the Solar Brain again, and rushes home. However, a building collapses as he drives by, which Gold attributes to the Solar Brain. Tin (who was with Platinum the whole time) dies protecting Doc from falling girders.

Calling Iron over to carry Tin's remains home, Doc heads home and leads the Metal Men to his new experimental rocket. He hopes to repair Tin in the rocket's Metal Recovery Room, of course. As they blast off, Platinum runs after the rocket, regretting what she said. She manages to tie herself around the rocket before it's too late, and is reeled in by Gold as soon as Doc notices.

The rocket is nearly flattened by a huge meteor, but Doc activates his new "chain reaction" defense mechanism, wherein two mechanical arms extend from the rocket and grab whatever's approaching, which completes the reaction and blows up. That's when they pick up the Solar Brain again, and see it tearing apart a space station.

Reports from Earth and readings from the rocket indicate that the Solar Brain is, for whatever reason, hoarding weapons, any it can get its hands on. They track the Solar Brain to a small planet, where they find the weapons all over the place, as if they were toys the Brain was done playing with. Soon the Solar Brain ambushes them, tearing apart their rocket before putting it back together with the power of its mind -- and when the Metal Men attack, it decides to turn them into its toys. Also, it's not really mentioned, but Tin seems to be up and running again. And it thinks of weapons as toys, and since you saw the cover I think you know where this is going.

I imagine everyone saw that coming, I just included the pic because I thought it was really cool. 

The Solar Brain's... plan? I don't really know how conscious it is. But its "plan" for is foiled when Lead, who is not just the chamber but the bullet himself, intentionally backfires rather than shoot Doc. However, this blows the Metal Men gun to pieces, incapacitating them all. Doc is forced to defeat the Solar Brain all by himself, and tries to accomplish this via the Chain Reaction

Obviously, that's the end of the Solar Brain, bless its demonic manchild heart. Doc repairs all the Metal Men in the Metal Recovery Room, but it's not mentioned whether the rocket's large pieces are fitted back together or if they're on the way back to Earth. Naturally, of the bunch, Platinum recovers first, and she and Doc basically do what they do: "Doc, I love you!" "Girl, you're a robot, shut up."