The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 17! (Metal Men #21)

It's been a crazy few months, but I'm back! I'll try to post semi-regularly, but we'll see how that turns out. 

I've decided to skip ahead and pay attention to the better/more notable/more wacked out Metal Men stories as I come across them. It's a good thing they ditched the old "each issue feeds directly into the next one" gimmick (and it's weird to think that that was a gimmick back then), because that means there's no issue-to-issue continuity to worry about.

Metal Men #21 features another set of "evil Metal Men", which you may recall has been done about five or six times already, including the appearances of the Gas Gang. Still, it doesn't sound right for me to fault Bob Kanigher just because he likes to recycle.

The cover exaggerates the Plastic Perils' strength, and kind of messes up their character models too. Usually it's not a big deal when a Silver Age cover stretches the truth, but I'm used to the Metal Men being straight with me about this stuff. 

Okay, this is the most detestable villain we've seen yet, and it's only because he's a pompous little dick. 

Anyway, the story opens on Platinum bemoaning the fact that Doc has been making out with a new squeeze in his office all day. And the Metal Men open up a bunch of fan mail. For some reason Bob Kanigher was really into the idea that the characters themselves receive all the mail sent their comic's way -- it came up many times in his Wonder Woman stories.

Anyway, surprisingly enough the Metal Men single out the letters that are negative in tone. These real letters, with the writers named and everything, criticize the direction the comic's taken over the last several issues on a number of points. They're also really belligerent and entitled, in case you were wondering whether the comic book fandom has always been awful. The big criticisms are that the Metal Men fight too many robots, and more specifically that of late they're just fighting robot versions of monsters that, say, the Doom Patrol would fight otherwise.

They spend the first act of the issue looking in vain for some non-robot menace they can tackle, and even go to places like Central City and Gotham City. For some reason when they go to these places they're surprised when the Flash or Batman takes care of the problem, as though it's weird for Batman to punch a bad guy in Gotham at night.

For some reason when you look for trouble in Central City, the Flash tends to take care of it before you can. I'm sort of wondering why they came here in the first place, other than for the chance to basically tell kids to read the Flash. 

They take a few similar trips to Gotham City and.... Washington DC? That's where Wonder Woman lives? Anyway, they also go there and the local heroes take care of business ably, leaving the Metal Men high and dry.

Like a latter-day episode of the Simpsons, the plot switches a quarter of the way through. In this case, the shift occurs when the dejected Metal Men espy an armored car smashing its way onto their compound. 

It's a mad asshole/scientist named Dr. Bravo, who has created his Plastic Perils to rob places and junk. You know, The Graduate told me plastics was a profitable biz in those days, you'd think he wouldn't need to steal.

The Plastic Perils have pretty lazy character design -- they all have the exact same body mold, but come in different colors. And that isn't even kept consistent! Granted, I can't think of many ways to make them "read" as being made of plastic besides making them look like M.U.S.C.L.E. figures, which is basically what happened here. They also don't have any personality, but let's be real that's true of the Gas Gang, for instance, too.

Now, I'm honestly not sure if the Plastic Perils really count as "not robots" for the purposes of this story -- I mean, the members of the Gas Gang were considered robots, after all. Granted, they aren't anything like a robot spider, dinosaur, or centaur, so I'm sure kids reading this were welcome for any kind of change. And a group alike to the Metal Men but evil is kind of a classic concept anyway; I admit that I'm still not tired of that plot.

So Bravo's Plastic Perils beat the Metal Men, but he says he's not done looting and dares them to stop his crime spree. There's a brief stopover at the lab, where Doc is still making time with his latest fling.

The Metal Men split up to cover more ground, and while they each encounter the Plastic Perils they also all lose handily to them

This whole sequence takes me back to the past because it serves to teach kids about the various types of plastic, which is reflected in the powers of the various Plastic Perils. For instance, Dr Bravo goes on about the properties of Polyethylene as a gang of "Polys" defeat Lead -- they do this by luring him into the nearby ocean, because Polyethylene floats and lead, uh, doesn't.

Oh, and while this isn't the first time the Metal Men have turned into a gun, this is the first time they've been a goddamn tommy gun. Also wondering how inert tin leaves the barrel without any propellant or primer. And yes, even this failed to beat the Plastic Perils (or at least this specific one, Methacrylate).

Because Bravo constantly mocked them for lacking knowledge on the properties of various plastics, the Metal Men, still without Doc's help as he seems to still be smooching his lady, decide to do some research. Hey, kids: with the books in your local library, you can be a hero, too! Anyway they melt the Plastic Perils with molten slag scooped from a smelting pool and doled out by giant-ladle Platinum -- thus serving to also teach kids that plastic doesn't handle extreme heat very well. Big deal, I learned that one summer when I left my Thing action figure in the car.

Oh and Dr. Bravo gets scooped up by Platinum and probably dies seconds later.

Back at the lab, it turns out Doc wasn't in his office at all this whole time -- what the Metal Men saw was a cardboard stand-up of Doc kissing some woman, intended to make the Metal Men think he's busy so he can, uh, actually be busy doing work. Sometimes I wonder about this guy.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men Special Edition! Brave and the Bold #55!

It's been a while, and I figured I'd jump back into this with the Metal Men, but to help me get excited about writing I'm gonna go off the main title and do the first of the team's many, many BatB appearances.

For whatever reason, the Metal Men were among the most frequent guest stars in Brave and the Bold, second only to the Green Arrow. They featuring in 8 issues, 6 of them with Batman (the other non-Bats team-up was #66, with Metamorpho. More on that guy to come, by the way)

The Atom's a character I sort of didn't get the appeal of before I actually read his material, but once I got into that... well, it's hard to dislike Gardner Fox and Gil Kane, you know? You can argue that maybe the Flash or the Martian Manhunter could've also defeated the Bug-Eyed Bandit, but I still say the Atom's pretty cool.

Sadly, as you'll see, the issue doesn't really give you that impression; the Atom plays seventh fiddle to the Metal Men throughout. And yeah, that's right, it's an Evil Metal Men plot, seen previously in (link to prev issue post here) and to a certain extent with the Gas Gang as well. I find it weird that most of the time there's some evil counterpart to the Metal Men, it's usually Doc himself who is behind it in one way or another. I wonder about that guy sometimes.

As the story opens, the Metal Men are entertaining some children, and I don't know about you but it seems like that's all they do in their spare time. I get that maybe their talents would also be wasted if they were just Doc's lab assistants or something, but there's got to be something else for them to do.

What soon follows is, oddly, an unintentionally hilarious series of deaths-by-accident. Most of these are caused by momentary dizziness -- Platinum falls onto some electrical generator, Gold into a vat of aqua regia, etc. Upon examining their lifeless husks, Doc discovers that their atomic structures have each been altered in some way that prevents him from reviving them as he usually might.

In the grand list of Metal Men deaths, this issue has a lot of the more embarrassing ones. Lead takes the cake in that department, as he actually explodes while reaching for something on a high shelf -- Doc says he stretched past his limit, but no matter how you justify it it isn't Lead's proudest moment.

When all the Metal Men are gone, Doc's pretty broken up about it, and he actually says they were like his children. The children he neglects, withholds affection from, and in one case always flings verbal insults and emotional abuse at, but still, children. Anyway, as you an no doubt imagine, it's all the work of Uranium.

Yeah, Agantha. What's wrong with "Agatha", if you really have to give her a "real" name? 

So, it's flashback time! Uranium was the original Metal Man, created before the others. But he was crazy -- he liked to blow stuff up with bombs and screw up Doc's experiments by bombarding them with radiation. Doc turned him into regular uranium, but when the government used him for an atomic test he came back to life (it's a comic book, get over it). Uranium forces Doc to work for him, because he's into irony.

Doc manages to send a coded signal to the Atom, whom he knows I guess, for help. Thus enters the Atom, just under halfway through the story. He infiltrates Uranium's lab, uncovers the means by which he corrupted the Metal Men's atomic structures and even figured out how to fix it without running into any real trouble.

The Atom repairs the Metal Men successfully, and this marks the end of his significance to the story, sadly. Yeah, from here on out it's basically a regular Metal Men story. Oh, the Atom gets a few lines later, but they could have just as easily gone to Doc. I like the Atom , I think he got a raw deal here. The Metal Men start a scrap with Uranium and Silver (not dignifying the name 'Agantha', sorry), with Platinum mostly taking care of Silver by herself. Also, duh, something silly happens.

This is Uranium's special power; unlike the others, even Silver, he doesn't seem to be able to take other shapes or anything like that. Instead he has some radioactive bullet dudes in his chest. I'm beginning to see why Doc wasn't in love with this design. When Lead starts blocking the rays, Uranium thinks it's time to jet and runs away. Mercury gives chase after some quick modifications courtesy of Doc and the Atom.

Uranium is ultimately left a glowing pile of radium after his rays bounce back at him twice. See, the Atom had the idea to amalgamate Mercury with Lead in order to confer Lead's resistance to radiation to Mercury, as a way to trick Uranium into blasting away, blah blah. I don't know a lot about chemistry, so I learned that uranium turns into radium under certain circumstances, at least. 

As team-ups go, this wasn't great; the Atom saved the Metal Men in the middle, and all, but his contribution to the story is pretty light and he could be written out of it with little effort. Of course, the whole "team up" angle was sort of new at this point, having started with #50; it's likely they were just getting into the swing of things. Even so, I think the story did a weak job of pitching the Atom to kids who picked it up for the Metal Men.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Special Edition -- Justice League #28

I figured this would be a great way to get back into the Metal Men groove -- with the first New 52 appearance of the team. Being a Geoff Johns joint, I'm going to try to rein in any inherent negative bias and take a look at this in the most impartial way possible.

The story opens during Forever Evil; Cyborg is consulting Dr. Will Magnus about bringing the Metal Men in to fight the Syndicate and save humanity. Doc isn't sure about this plan, and a flashback to six months ago tells us why...

In some military complex, a general and the Secretary of Defense are picking on the misanthropic agoraphobe Doc, a twentysomething super genius who hates human contact and thinks robots are cool because they're so logical and obedient. He refuses to talk to them or let them into his lab because this is the start of his character arc and that means he has no redeeming qualities yet.

Doc goes about his business, finally ready to put the finishing touches on his Metal Men. He dips the responsometers he developed into vats of pure metals, and what comes out is... surprisingly emotional and full of personality.

The Metal Men are basically the exact same characters they've always been, except for tweaks to Platinum (getting to that in a minute) and Gold. Gold, who I think we can all agree was a rather flat character before, is here characterized as narcissistic and uber-confident. He gave himself hair, for crying out loud. His status as the leader is justified by having him appoint himself to the position, reasoning that he should be in charge because gold is obviously the best metal. Not 100% sold on this, but I don't hate it. Anyway, the rest are very much recognizable -- Tin stammers, Lead is dim and speaks haltingly, etc.

They even do the "talking about the properties of their metal" thing from their earliest appearances. Oh, and I give special mention to Iron, whose personality is the same as ever but comes on a lot stronger

That left panel was like 3/4 of the page before I cut it down, practially a full body shot, just in case you couldn't tell what she was getting at. Two awesome things about the new Platinum: 1. She clearly likes Doc but isn't a goddamn lunatic about it or anything 2. She's called "Platinum". I always hated the nickname "Tina", I mean really. Doc is baffled by all the emotions, unique personalities, and distinct physical appearances the Metal Men exhibit -- this wasn't part of the plan at all. He eventually lashes out and gives us an old-Doc chestnut: "You're robots, you can't feel anything!"

Things go downhill from there; Doc quickly reconciles with the Metal Men but his military employers bust in and demand he fork them over. When it's clear that the military wants to use them as assassins instead of rescue workers, they bust a move and get out of there, only to resurface in Doc's apartment. And then Chemo shows up.

As Do says, Chemo was created with a stolen prototype responsometer. It's not clear who was behind this, but they clearly knew about Doc's work so it was likely someone at the military compound. The Metal Men burst into action immediately, focusing their efforts solely on clearing the area of civilians before anything else. Ultimately, they rely on a Metal Men classic strategy -- a suicide attack -- to take care of the menace.

Doc was touched by the selflessness of their actions - they saved a lot of people from Chemo without ever considering their own safety, and gave their lives to bring an end to Chemo's rampage. In the present, Cyborg pushes Doc about his reasons for not wanting to bring them back -- in the brief time he'd known the Metal Men, Doc had come to care about them, and he isn't willing to lose them again.

I think that's pretty cool; old Doc usually didn't think much of popping everybody into the Metal Recovery Chamber, though the Metal Men themselves tended to act as though every death was final. Anyway, Cyborg manages to convince him to help out because it's what the Metal Men would want.

All told, I'm very happy with the New 52 incarnation of the Metal Men. They're all essentially the exact same characters (except Gold, who let's face it didn't have much of a character in the first place), they do the same things, act the same way, and have the same relationships with one another. The new Doc grated on me at first because I thought he'd stay the misanthropic asshole he was at the start, but we ended up with a version of Doc who thinks of the Metal Men as his only friends and family, who cried when they sacrificed themselves to stop Chemo. In a lot of ways I think it improves on the group as previously depicted -- Platinum seems interested in Doc but is absolutely not a weirdo about it, for instance, and while I admit I'm not crazy about Gold the preening narcissist it's better than the dull "standard sci-fi hero" personality he had before.

I could go on forever -- this incarnation of the Metal Men is the best yet. It's very faithful to everything I loved about the Silver Age version, with all the stupid parts (Crazy Platinum, the nickname "Tina", Doc's awful treatment of Platinum, Doc's paternal detachment from the group, boring Gold, and, most of all, 'Nameless') surgically removed. I'm very surprised at just how much I enjoyed this issue, and I really love what Johns and Reis did with these characters. I know Geoff Johns isn't much-beloved these days, but after this and his great Aquaman run, I'm reconsidering hating him so much. Reconsidering.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 16!

Whoomp-whoomp! More Metal Men action comin' atcha! This is a Platinum focused issue (though you could argue most of them are, she seems to get the plot going more than half the time), again centered around her romantic foibles in re: Doc.

I sort of wanted to skip this one based on the cover, I didn't think there was anything too interesting about it, and then I turned the page and remembered why I was doing this in the first place. Oh, and let's not dwell on the obvious implications of Doc desiring a hot robot woman.

This is probably the most straightforward first-page splash in Metal Men history, and that's a pretty stiff competition. The whole "marriage" element is a little silly -- it's as if Platinum thinks any ceremony without a minister/judge/ship's captain/mayor/Elvis is at all legally binding. Anyway, a familiar scene as the issue starts out: Doc is hanging out with a hot woman, Platinum goes bananas and scares her off.

The other Metal Men follow the seething Platinum, and they see a bunch of Air Force planes stuck in a giant spider web. God, the tonal shifts in this comic can give a guy whiplash.

"The million Mongolian mysteries" is certainly a new one, and I sort of hope that phrase actually saw somewhat regular use at some point in our history. For the record, something tells me Gold is the speaker for that balloon.

Doc and the Metal Men encounter the webs later a few times -- each time they disappear, taking whatever they had trapped along with them. Oh, and Doc has a flying car separate from the flying saucer (or "Jetaway" as it's been called in the last few issues). I sort of wonder what the adult inhabitants of this city think of Doc, I'm sure there's at least one guy who sees him fly over traffic and thinks "Lookit that bum."

Retreating to the lab. there's a silly comical interlude with Platinum making a love potion, and I'm mostly including that detail for this panel of Platinum in an apron. There was also a "downtime" panel with Iron and Lead, of all people, playing chess. Oh, yeah that must have been a real meeting of the minds.

This subplot doesn't really do anywhere, it's just a one-off gag. Not to be improper, but you really have to wonder what Kanigher's deal was with women, there was clearly some kind of dysfunction in that area of his life. That or he watched too much Bewitched. Anyway, the next time a web shows up, Doc decides to just drive into it, reasoning that they'll be taken wherever the other stuff was.

I think "the giant spider web was actually a space warp" perfectly encapsulates the craziness of your typical Metal Men story. The planetoid with all the stolen crap on it is inhabited by robots (duh), but they're all robot spiders who immediately start attacking the people who were in those planes, trains, etc.

The Metal Men are soon overwhelmed and ensnared by the spiders' ruler, a huge 'black widow'. She, as you've no doubt guessed, hypnotizes Doc into seeing her as a beautiful robot woman whom he wants to marry. Why a robot? There's nothing in Doc's history that suggests he's into robots like that, he dates human women very consistently. Eh, it's still hypnosis. And to state the obvious: yes, the black widow's plan is to eat him.

Platinum and Nameless (really) manage to get everyone free by acting like they're into some of the male robot spiders, who dissolve the web to get some girlie action. I'm not joking, Nameless used her feminine wiles (ahaha) -- and this isn't even the first time, if you'll remember the climax of the BOLTS encounter. Maybe it's a robot thing; after all, unique among the Metal Men, she doesn't look at all like a pained human.

After being freed and taking out their captors, the Metal Men have a pretty easy time saving Doc, there's nothing really exciting about it at all. The issue ends with Platinum doing the hypnotic suggestion thing to a still-dazed Doc, because if your crush doesn't like you, brainwashing is the only way to go.

Oh, yeah, that's appropriate.

Incidentally, the "stealing crap from Earth" thing -- at no point is it explained why the spiders were doing that. Well, not directly, it's implied that they might be eating the people inside the buildings and stuff they steal, but it's not stated outright except in the case of the black widow. I bet this is going to make the letter column in a few issues, in any case.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 15!

The Metal Men are mostly pretty silly, and this issue's no different. I will say, though, I sort of miss the continuing story -- remember that? Been a while since one issue fed directly into the other. 

Being shrunk is basically something every superhero goes through. Wait, would you consider these guys superheroes? They mostly just finish stuff bad guys start, they don't look for people to help. Whatever, the point is, I'm surprised it took this long for this plot to occur... although technically that adventure on the giant planet covered it before.

I read ahead: no, Nameless won't be named in this issue, or for that matter any issue. The matter of her name isn't even alluded to in this one. Was she really a draw back in the day? Shudder to think. So the issue opens with Toy Story-style walking, talking action figures Doc invented for sick kids, because let's face it this guy has way too much free time.

Stealthy ads for other DC comics, nice! Incidentally, on the topic of Captain Storm and Johnny Cloud, few people realize that the Losers were all solo stars (or in the case of Gunner and Sarge, an existing team) before they teamed up.

And not to sound crass or anything, but I really don't think brain-injured children will be comforted by living toys with tiny working machine guns. Man, look at that line-up, though -- one superhero, five war characters. I sort of like superheroes just fine, but it really goes to show how different the whole comic landscape was back then.

Oh, and Doc has a new girlfriend, a model named Cleo. I don't know what these women see in him; he's no Mr. Personality, and between six 'kids' and his work he's got a ton of baggage.

Like all the girls before her, Cleo leaves in a huff shortly after Platinum does, angry at Doc for caring about his robot at all. Doc's not too broken up about losing his girl, or about Platinum having another one of her 'episodes', but then again this is like the tenth time those things have happened to him.

Platinum runs off in the flying saucer, and the other Metal Men catch up to her via Iron-thrown Tin boomerang (including Iron, just roll with it). Apparently she just wanted to blow off some steam by driving. To space. They get a distress signal from a nearby planet, but the flying saucer is hit by a weird beam that shrinks them.

Where this beam came from and why are never really bothered with, probably because it was figured nobody would care. And I guess I don't, really, so whatever. Gold turns into a stack of coins so the Metal Men can still operate the consoles, and Nameless is pretty turned on by it.

Is this another "women, am I right fellas?" kind of thing? Also, Gold's imagination seems pretty lacking these days, he's used that same coin form a bunch of times lately. We get it, gold is valuable. Remember the time you turned into a deck of cards, though? You're better than this, man.

I seem to remember a totally different kind of robot termites from a few issues back, but whatever. I wonder what kind of bourbon is in those barrels. Anyway, a decent fight breaks out, which is naturally handled in one panel as opposed to a whole issue like it would today.

This is a pretty sound victory for the Metal Men, despite Gold's silly tooth form and joke. The angered Termites, however, are already howling for revenge, and scurry away to gather reinforcements for a large-scale Earth invasion.

After a wacky comic relief interlude with the wooden barrel robots, the Metal Men give chase and head back to Earth, still at fun-size. They try to find something in Doc's lab that can make them grow back, but accidentally hit the button for Space Ghost's Stasis Beam. And yes, it was Platinum who messed up, because, you know, women.

The Metal Men are confused with regular toys and shipped to a charity bazaar, where a blind kid picks them up. Nobody else wanted them because unlike the other toys, the frozen Metal Men can't move or talk, but this kid's just a big fan. What is it with poor blind boys and the Metal Men? That night, he hears about the Termites collapsing a bridge, and is brought to tears by how helpless he feels. In a classic fairy tale moment, the tears fall on the tiny frozen Metal Men, who are soon up and moving and back to regular size. Uh, it was something in the saline. It's funny how this comic was supposed to be educational but turned out to be really nonsensical.

They hurry to where the Termites were last seen, but at normal size the little guys move too fast for them. The only solution: blow themselves up, stupid! This is accomplished by Gold forming a coil around the others until Mercury goes kerblooey.

You know, either these guys aren't the best at pattern recognition, or they're like the Venture Brothers and don't remember their many previous deaths. 

I'm a little concerned with the fact that the normal heroic sacrifice has mutated into attention-seeking group suicides more-or-less every issue. Doc investigates the explosion later out of simple scientific curiosity, and revives our metal heroes with the traces he recovers from the scene. Then the whole group heads back to that blind kid's house to thank him (and give him some real Metal Men toys). I hope they went to check in on Billy afterwards, reminded of him by this similar unnamed kid.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 14!

Right off the bat I have to say this is an amazing cover by any standard you could possibly imagine. And after reading ahead, this might be my favorite issue so far.

The issue opens with the Metal Men checking out their fan mail, specifically all the responses they got for a name for Tin's tin girlfriend. Mercury doesn't see the point in this and suggests the name 'Nameless', which would eventually stick, but my favorite proposed name comes from Frances Vorberg of Grant's Pass, Or. -- "Tinkle". Lead likes that one, too. Tin just calls her 'Beautiful', but she says she's not uncomfortable with 'Nameless'. Anyway, Doc gets a letter specifically addressed to him, and it turns out  to be a death threat.

A weird acronym and a smoking letter? Yeah, and you know what that means? Because, not to spoil it or anything, but writer Bob Kanigher really used the self-destructing message as an means of murder -- or attempted murder, in this case, as Platinum shoves Doc behind Lead and smothers the blast with her body. Doc, as usual when this happens to her, is super regretful of the way he treated her, and for once he's pretty nice to her for the  rest of the issue.

Doc and the Metal Men vow to bring B.O.L.T.S. to justice, and name themselves the Metal Men from N.U.T.S. for this purpose. Yeah, do you see what this is about? It's a Man from U.N.C.L.E. thing, although in the loosest sense possible -- acronyms and evil plans are about as far as this gets. Later, Doc attends a robotics expo, when a demonstration goes wrong and the robots go haywire.

The crazed robots crab Doc and take him somewhere. As tends to be the case for fictional robots, no matter how primitive or what task they were designed for, these guys are super strong and bulletproof, so police can't stop them. Soon Doc is face to face with the source of all his troubles -- B.O.L.T.S.!

Doc thinks this guy is the head of B.O.L.T.S., but nobody else from his organization ever really shows up and he's mostly referred to as 'B.O.L.T.S." for the rest of the issue. He alludes to his creation 'behind the Iron Curtain' and his goal of destroying democracy, though. Not to nitpick, comrades, but it seems to me that, despite all the extra space for computing power, this is just about the most conspicuous spy in the history of ever.

Oh, and he's also kind of an anti-human, uh, racist or whatever, touting himself and all robots as superior to any human. Thus, he also plans to take over the rest of the world once he's finished with the West. In any case, the Metal Men show up in the flying saucer just as things start to look really hairy for Doc. Iron knocks the big guy down with a Metal Men bola and tries to fight off the robot minions.

They keep coming at him until he flattens them to the ground with huge press arms. This rescue attempt is cut short when B.O.L.T.S. emits a smokescreen from what I guess is his mouth in order to cover his escape.

Obviously, this isn't the last they've seen of him. In fact, Doc meets up with him again in about three pages -- he was on a date but got ditched, and was ambushed by B.O.L.T.S. on the way home. I say 'ambushed', but obviously I mean "B.O.L.T.S. was standing in the middle of the road; Doc could see him a mile away but just kept driving right towards him anyway." Still, this is a perfect opportunity for intense spy action, in which the Metal Men have no place!

You know, I wasn't having a great time today, but now I totally am. Thanks so much, Bob Kanigher, you crazy man. Sadly, rocket fire proves ineffective, and Doc is taken captive. He calls the Metal Men via another spy-type guy gadget built into his car, and they rush ineffectually to his aid. Everybody lies helpless on a car crusher when 'Nameless' shows up, having lagged behind, and B.O.L.T.S. is immediately, uh, smitten with her. What-ever.

Gotta go with 'Beautiful' over there, anybody who's into her is off his rocker. Or stabilizer, whatever. And yes, that includes Tin, he's a real weirdo when it comes to his ladyfriend. Of course, this is just an excuse for her to be significant to the issue even though she isn't even on the cover. He chases he endlessly until he does something uncharacteristically stupid. Well, maybe he was always stupid, his plans never seemed that clever. Still, I wouldn't have pegged him the type to die like Frank Grimes.

And so Nameless/Beautiful/Seventh Wheel saves the day by accident, and everyone congratulates her as if she meant to do it. Jeez, Kanigher, stop trying to get this new character over with the audience, huh? What's wrong with just making a robot girl out of a new metal, for starters? Anyway, after everyone's all better and back at the lab, Tin starts calling his galpal 'Beautiful', but she accepts the name 'Nameless' from everybody else. Goddamn I hate this stupid character and her horrifying relationship with Tin.