It all started with the Big Bang! Part 6 (Issue #5)

You know, I was reading Hero Hotline when I realized I have this thing with alliteration.

Is it significant that the Silver-Age Blitz looks sort of like Prof. Zoom? Probably not. I have to say I'm impressed that they came up with a lightning motif and logo that didn't look anything like the Flash's. Also, is it me or did they tone down the purple on the Knight Watchman's costume since the last time he was on a cover?

Anyway, this issue's all about origins -- the origin of the Blitz, of the Golden Age Ultiman, and of the Knight Watchman

At a Monte Carlo raceway, East German Formula-1 racer Helmut Schlechtmann, seen in the car above, curses the success of American driver Jimmy Travis. With Travis' latest victory, he's now headed for the championship race against Schlechtmann, who isn't sure he can win. Luckily, he thinks, he's left little to chance. 

During their race, Schlechtmann runs Travis off the road. Travis discovers his steering column's been tampered with as he careens towards a mountain, but manages to stop and crawl away unscathed. However, the car's in no shape to continue the race. Travis is upset, but realizes there's nothing he can do about it -- which is when he sees a door on the ground, uncovered and unlocked by his driving. Inside, he discovers some secret Nazi lab (in Monte Carlo?)

Meanwhile, American mobsters, hired by Schlechtmann to finish off Travis, arrive on the scene -- turns out he expected Travis to survive hurtling towards mountain rocks in a racecar. Back in the lab, Travis quickly deduces (based on the label on that costume case) that whatever scientists were working here, they were trying to create super-humans. He checks out those test tubes and sees that they're all busted and empty except one labeled "Blitz-Geschindigkeit".

Outside, one of the mobsters accidentally drops his gun, which goes off when it hits the ground. Travis is startled by the noise and accidentally spills the contents of the test tube on himself. It starts to burn through his racing suit, which he takes off in a panic. Deciding to investigate the gunshot he heard, he puts on the "ubermensch" costume. That's when the mobsters get the drop on him. As they take aim, Travis desperately rushes to stop them -- and sees that the formula gave him "Blitz-Geschindigkeit", lightning speed! He dispatches them quickly enough, and one of them mentions Schlechtmann. Travis, or the Blitz, realizes what's going on, and that he can still win the race.

He rushes to Schlechtmann's car and disassembles it at lightning speed, like in the first page, leaving him wrapped up in his own car's parts.

The Blitz then pushes his own car for most of the length of the race, before heading back to his hotel room for a new racing suit, pushing it across the finish line, and jumping into the driver's seat before anyone can see he wasn't driving. Cheating? Yeah, but you can't say Schlechtmann deserved to win it. The police take away the mobsters and Schlechtmann, and Travis is left with a new second career in mind...

Moving on to a short two-page Ultiman origin story, we see Chris Kelly driving home, rejected by the draft board for his poor eyesight, when his car is struck by a meteor! The meteor turns him into the Ultimate Human Being, who pledges his services to the government and armed forces.

I find it fairly interesting that Ultiman is a government agent, and it's hinted that his identity isn't secret here (strictly speaking; there might be a Golden Age Carl Kelly).

Anyway, is it me or is anyone else more interested in the Knight Watchman's origin? I've been reading about him in just about every issue so far, it's time I found out what his deal is, you know? All we really know about him is that his real name is Reid Randall and he lives with his mother and nephew.

Well, flash back to when Reid was an Olympic hopeful and college student living away from home. Called back to Midway City by news that his brother Ted had been hospitalized, Reid consoles his mother, who reveals that the family garment business is in peril. Ted had fallen in with a bad crowd and racked up gambling debts -- and now the mobsters he owes want to take over their business. The beating was a warning, and it only stands to get worse from here.

Across town, at the hospital, Ted is comforted by his wife Janet and son Jerry. Later that night, he's visited by a gangster, who starts leaning on him a little harder to hand over the family business. That is, until Reid shows up.

Reid and Ted reminisce about the old days, like when they were teased at school because their dad made women's clothes. He says this is just like that -- they faced off against bullies almost every day, and can do the same now. 

Later that week, Reid joins Ted's wife and son in seeing his brother home. Unbeknownst to them, however, henchmen working for mob boss "Gentleman" Mac Duggin are lying in wait, preparing to strike. Jerry decides to ride home with Reid; Ted remarks that Reid is Jerry's personal hero, with Janet adding that Ted is Reid's. Reid drives ahead, as he's stopping for ice cream on the way, but Ted's car explodes the second Janet starts it.

Man, is it me, or is this a lot more complicated than Batman's origin? Parents shot, layabout millionaire, superstitious lot, bat through window, BAM, Batman. Anyway, soon Reid visits the graves of his brother and sister-in-law, vowing to bring their killers to justice and to take care of Jerry just as Ted always took care of him. Meanwhile, "Gentleman" Duggin decides that if killing her son won't get the old lady to turn over the factory, he'll start arranging "accidents" around the factory and her home, and sends her a letter to that effect. 

Reid consoles his mother again, who says that her late husband, her knight in shining armor, would know what to do.

Ah, there's the "bat through window" moment. Reid sees gangsters staking out their house in shifts, and thinks he can make them act if he pretends to head back to school by packing his bags and getting in a cab. That night, he's proven right as the gangsters break into the factory and start wrecking it, until interrupted by a mysterious shadowy figure - the Knight Watchman! His costume's kind of different here, with a much darker blue (or black?) cowl-and-undies, no shield symbol, a gray bodysuit, and much like first appearance Batman, purple gloves. Using the physical prowess that made him a multiple sport star, he easily trounces Duggin and his goons. There's a really great exchange where Duggin tries to offer the Knight Watchman money or a job, but the Knight Watchman somberly states that Duggin owes him much more than he could ever pay.

This feels kind of Silver-Agey, despite being based on GA Bats (what with the different costume and all) -- if anything I'm reminded of Daredevil #1, where Daredevil finds and defeats his father's killer by the issue's end.

Finally, we're on to a short four-pager with Silver Age Ultiman, who shows a contest winner his Secret Citadel. There's a nice continuity nod to #3 by way of a shot of Robot #1's grave. Naturally there's a giant dollar bill and a rubber apatosaurus, because it's not like they did those Batcave things last issue. There's also a "City of Atlantis" that fits in an oversized fishbowl like Kandor. Oh, and a "Hall of Secret Identities" featuring statues of his Round Table of America teammates; I'm hoping he doesn't show the kid that one.

We also learn about SA Ultiman's origin (a little more, at least) -- Chris Kelly was an astronaut in whose space capsule was hit by a radioactive meteor. The other astronaut inside died, and Chris was very sick for a long time, but upon overcoming his illness he was the Ultimate Human Being! 

I probably mentioned this before, but that power source strikes me as a deliberate reference to Silver Age Ultraman, a human astronaut who got his powers from space rocks and becomes more powerful from further exposure. Also, take note of the costume differences between Golden and Silver Age Ultiman -- well, it's gloves mostly right here, but as we saw last issue Golden Age Ulti later added a belt to his ensemble. Also, the "no undies" look is obviously a little funny these days, since that's what Superman himself is wearing.

The Creature Commandos! Part 5 (Weird War Tales #105)

This is the last CC story before they hit the big time as WWT's headliner in #108, if that's a fact anyone but me finds interesting.

The story opens with the CCs facing off against a tank -- unarmed and without any outside help. Even Shrieve is nowhere to be seen. The tank's markings indicate it as American, and, as revealed in the captions, this scene takes place on a Midwestern army base.

Everyone manages to contribute to toppling the tank, with Velcro seeping inside it in mist form and Griffith snapping its machine gun right off, but Lucky does all the work by simply pushing it on its side. Shrieve emerges from its hatch, barking at the CCs for taking too long to defeat the tank. Their time was 30 seconds longer than projected, and he'd make them do the drill again if they didn't have a mission to get to... stateside, in the tiny NY town of Freedom. There, they find what I'm guessing is its entire population of 67 gathered in the town hall, singing.

Yeah, Freedom's population is made up solely of Nazi sympathizers from around the country, out to subvert the war effort with a fascist newspaper (...uh, sure). Army Intelligence also thinks they're harboring German spies. The CCs have to take action against Freedom, a prospect Griffith is excited about, but their mission isn't killing -- it's terror. 

At first, this takes the form of having Griffith massacre the townspeople's livestock and even pets, but one night Shrieve cuts the town's power and has Velcro threaten them, calling himself an envoy of the devil.

As the terrified townsfolk run from him, Velcro laments the things he does for his country -- and his blood rations. As they run to the town hall, the people see Lucky standing between two of its pillars. Lucky decides to go for symbolism, snapping the pillars to bring the building down before smashing the giant swastika and Hitler portrait inside. I'm surprised the giant swastika on the cover was actually in the issue, I (funnily enough) thought that a symbolic thing.

Griffith leaps out at the people of Freedom from the rooftops, showing restraint and not harming anyone due to his respect for Shrieve's orders. That's a side of Griffith we rarely see, and I don't think it's out of character at all -- he's a giant attack dog, of course he obeys his master. Shrieve firebombs the fascist newspaper's press while the townspeople are busy being scared witless.

The fire spreads across the town rapidly, pretty much eradicating the whole town. However, a little girl is trapped on the second story of her home. Lucky, being a real stand-up guy, saves her. She leaves her doll with Lucky, seemingly so afraid or rattled she forgot about it. As the CCs watch the tiny town burn, Shrieve congratulates everyone on a job well done. Velcro, as usual, is disgusted by Shrieve's attitude, and Shrieve naturally has no idea what he means. Shrieve says Velcro must have manure for brains, and touts all the positives of the mission's success. Lucky hands him the doll and points him towards the little girl and her family, who weep as their home burns; Velcro says he thinks Lucky's trying to say "I think YOU're the one who's full of it, Shrieve."

Again, Shrieve is totally wrong; I don't see what threat Freedom could have possibly posed. Intelligence about spies looked to be false, that's the big one. And place that small, I mean, how much circulation could their paper have gotten in even the best case scenario? If Freedom had been left alone, then after the war it would just be a microscopic town full of racists -- unpleasant, but hardly unusual no matter where you are in the world.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men, part 5

Are you ready for what I don't hesitate to call the most ridiculous Metal Men story yet?

Yes, it looks like this is the second time in 6 issues that we're doing the "evil Doc makes a team of bad guys" plot. And can I just say, it's always bugged me that only two members of the Gas Gang are pure elements; there's no Brass or Steel in the Metal Men, after all. The Gas Gang technically first appeared in last issue's "Fun Facts" page (which I don't bother with and you can't make me), although only Chloroform has the same appearance here.

Incidentally, you may have seen the Gas Gang on the "Clash of the Metal Men!" episode of Batman: The Brave and the Bold; there were some changes to the roster (they added the bomb-shaped Hydrogen and changed Carbon Monoxide to Nitrogen), and they had the origin of the 90s version of the Metal Men -- friends of Doc's transformed by an accident. They're also voiced by the same actors as the Metal Men, and obviously with the addition of Hydrogen have the same number of members -- they really wanted to push the "evil counterpart" angle. I'll probably take a look at that episode after I'm through with the regular Metal Men feature.

Yikes, apparently it's the second time we're doing "evil robot Doc makes a team of bad guys". Although at least this time Robo-Doc looks like a robot. I don't know a lot about Chloroform, but the "fun facts" page says it sometimes induces laughter before it knocks you out.

The story opens with an unnecessary recap of the events of the previous issue, including a shot of its cover. Soon we're back where we were at the end of last issue; inside a rocket back to Earth, with Tin at the controls, Doc and Platinum doing whatever, and everyone else recovering from injuries. Platinum sleeps, something Doc doesn't care for because it's another manifestation of her faulty responsometer. She wakes up and talks of dreaming, and naturally Doc isn't pleased to hear about that either. Platinum gets grabby, but her display of affection is interrupted by a meteor shower.

A meteor is stuck in the ship's hull, and is so hot it can eat through it in minutes. Doc heads out to force it loose with a jackhammer, accompanied by Platinum, who is determined to protect him from the deadly meteors. Throughout the ordeal, Doc tries to get Platinum to go back inside where it's safe, showing real concern for her well-being (aaaawwww). Platinum pulls a patented Metal Man self-sacrifice to shield Doc from approaching meteors just as he's finished taking care of the embedded rock; Doc cradles her melting body, overcome by sadness.

Now, call me cynical, but it seems to me she'll be right as rain after some time in the Metal Recovery Room. I think the problem with killing and injuring the cast so frequently is that it loses its punch pretty quickly.

As Doc returns to the ship with Platinum in his arms, the rest of the Metal Men greet him. However, they're shocked at the sight of the "destroyed" Platinum -- even Mercury, who says he's willing to donate parts for her repair even at the cost of his own life. Aaaaawwww. Doc heads to the Metal Recovery Room to perform what is basically robot surgery, not even taking a moment to remove his space suit. Gold notices that Doc's suit has been soaked in "cosmic rays", probably from the meteor that hit the ship, but Doc doesn't think anything of it.

Some time later, the Metal Men try to get Doc to eat or sleep, as he's neglected to do either for some time. Doc rebuffs them, claiming to be neither tired nor hungry. Just then, before their eyes, Doc's skin begins to take on a metallic sheen

Platinum awakes from her comatose state and is overjoyed to see the new robot Doc. She fantasizes about their life together, culminating in a scene of their wedding. However, it's soon clear that like the last Robo-Doc, this one is a pretty big asshole; he treats the Metal Men even more harshly than he usually treats Platinum. For instance, he derides Tin as useless, threatening him with replacement if he doesn't shape up. He also rejects the idea of robots having any emotions at all, acting as if the Metal Men were simply talking power tools for him to order around. 

Doc has become even more cold and unfeeling than usual; when the Metal Men see a manned US space shuttle under attack by a comet-like monster, he refuses to come to its aid, concerned only with returning to Earth. Naturally, the Metal Men don't agree, and manage to save the shuttle anyway. Just as naturally, Doc is angry with them afterwards, saying that their disobedience has earned them a one-way trip to the scrap heap as soon as they get home. 

Doc doesn't get the chance to make good on this promise, as the Metal Men seal him in his lab in hopes he'll come to his senses. Meanwhile, they run experiments to see if there's a way to turn Doc back to normal.

Yes, that's what the Metal Men do when left to their own devices. Anyway, they go to check on Doc, when an explosion tears open the wall, revealing Doc and his new creations, the Gas Gang. I don't know about you, but I would have introduced the villains of the piece a little earlier. They look a little different than on the cover, with only Oxygen and Helium being labeled. Anyway, Doc orders Chloroform to gas the Metal Men.

Mercury is taken out of commission by the laughing fit. Chloroform looks on as the Metal Men succumb to his gas, saying that the Gas Gang can topple the world. I think it's more like "I, Chloroform, can topple the world" -- I mean, look at what he's accomplished so far. Gold tries to clear the gas by forcing Oxygen to spray them, but something that I call total bull happens when everyone starts to rust. Yeah, not just Iron. 

Everyone starts running, except for Lead, who forms a barrier and tries to hold the Gas Gang off. 

Sadly, he only seems to keep back Chloroform and Oxygen -- Carbon Dioxide and Monoxide attack the retreating Metal Men, icing them over and poisoning them. But, like, not enough to keep them from running. Eventually, they're cornered by Helium in a lab. Turns out Helium isn't as silly as he might sound, as he can inflate his body to massive proportions. The rest of the Gas Gang catches up as the giant Helium bears down on the Metal Men, when Platinum springs her trap: the heat conducting experiment from earlier! Plugging himself in and coiling around the Gas Gang, he evaporates them into steam. I admit, I'm surprised that came up later, I thought it was just Silver Age silliness or educational bull.

Doc was also caught in Gold's coil, and fell unconscious. Brought to the Metal Recovery Room, he eventually returns to normal

It all started with the Big Bang! Part 5 (Issue #4)

Back with more Big Bang! This issue is gonna be a real treat for me, because this issue is based on an early JSA story that I happen to have actually read.

Just over half of those are familiar faces to readers of the Image series - Ultiman, Thunder Girl, and the Knight Watchman. The rest (and you can figure out who is who pretty easily) are Venus, the Blitz, and the Beacon, ersatz Wonder Woman, Flash, and Green Lantern respectively. 

Dr Stellar, obviously the Starman of the KoJ, wonders how the team came to be. The Knight Watchman lays the background by saying it all started when scientists from around the country were headed to the Great Minds Summit in Washington, D.C. The Blitz takes over from there, and it becomes clear that this issue's gimmick is just like the earliest JSA stories -- the heroes don't really work together, but they tell of adventures that are connected in some way. Naturally, each segment is handled by a different writer and artist. I wish they had a Hawkman guy, since Golden Age Hawkman had unusually detailed art for its time and I'd love to see something in that style.

Now, if I'm remembering correctly, the Flash section of the JSA story I'm thinking of involved fighting a shark, so one can only hope it's something half as cool as that. 

Anyway, the Blitz is secretly newsreel reporter Mack Snelling, who was on his way to cover the summit via the powerful train Super-Chief. A freak landslide nearly causes a horrible crash, but Snelling clears the way with time to spare as the Blitz, and soon discovers it was a Nazi assassination attempt on one of the train's passengers, engineer and auto magnate Hank Fort.

An interrogation reveals that this was part of a larger plot to sabotage the Great Minds Summit. The Blitz heads back to Super-Chief, no doubt reasoning that if there's more trouble at the conference he should be there (and that arriving before the train he was on previously would probably blow his identity).

The Beacon takes the story from there. He'd read about the Great Minds Summit in the paper back in NYC, when he was on a ferry to Ellis Island. Due to some trouble at the Statue of Liberty, they had to turn back, but naturally this looked like a job for the Beacon. It turns out there's some kind of DEATH RAY coming out of Lady Liberty's torch, blasting boats as they pass. The Beacon does rescue work to ensure that nobody dies, using the light from his miner's cap to escort people to life rafts and seal holes in hulls. 

Golden Age Green Lantern's powers were so nebulously defined as to be nearly limitless; I remember a story in Batman Black and White where he mentioned he quit the superhero game because he felt too powerful, and Gotham needed a hero, not a god. The Beacon is more like Space Ghost, in that his light fires different beams for different occasions -- a tractor beam, a heat ray, that sort of thing.

After turning the culprits in, the Beacon meets with the captain of the ship he saved, as well as a notable passenger, famous inventor Tom Ettleson. The Beacon escorts Ettleson's car to Washington to make sure he arrives safely, and that's when his part of the story ends and the Badge's begins.

This seems as good a time as any to mention that Rookies, Bobbie and Trooper, are nowhere to be seen -- implicitly this takes place before their first appearance. 

This is all introduced in a clumsy enough way that I'd have trouble describing it succinctly, so the gist: the Badge, staking out a local slum, meets a man who falls unconscious and is taken away in an ambulance by a rude German medic. Various clues reveal the man's identity as Dr. Reinstein, a famous scientist bound for the Great Minds Summit, and that he had been drugged. The Badge also guesses that the German medic is evidence of a Nazi plot. He commandeers a police bike, catches up to the ambulance, and jumps onto its roof, forcing the driver to crash.

Citizen's arrest? So he's not really cop? Well, I guess the Knight Watchman isn't a real knight, either. The Badge frees Reinstein from the ambulance, but one of the Nazis steals Reinstein's briefcase, which contains a top-secret formula. The Badge does something I didn't really expect him to for some reason -- he throws his shield, nailing the Nazi thief in the back. The Badge then accompanies Reinstein to the summit to guarantee his safety.

On to Thunder Girl, who, like the Blitz, was already on her way to the summit in her secret identity. In this case, it was with her friend Dr. Eureka and his colleague Dr. Igorski, in their latest invention -- an electric gyrocopter. They're accosted by a massive Nazi zeppelin, housing soldiers open fire on them. Molly turns into Thunder Girl, who covers the scientists' escape and takes care of the blimp with a simple hairpin.

See, that was simple. These are three page stories, that Badge one was so dense and overwritten (although that might have been intentional for all I know, that's kind of the point of Big Bang). Anyway, she naturally follows the copter to Washington.

The Knight Watchman's story begins as his wrist-mounted "Watch-Alert", which is evidently like the Bat-Signal crossed with Jimmy Olsen's signal watch, goes off just after he's finished his nightly patrol. Dr. Igor Eisner, a friend of the Knight Watchman's who appeared in a previous story, reports a break-in at his lab -- by Nazis, as you can no doubt imagine.

After reaching the scene in the Watchwagon, the Knight Watchman fights his way through Eisner's home to discover the scientist isn't there. It turns out he's being transported to Germany. Thinking quickly, the Knight Watchman rifles through Eisner's inventions to find a rocket pack he'd tested just a week ago

He soon finds them, rowing out to a U-Boat. Attacking the U-Boat with a grenade, the Knight Watchman scares its crew into submerging, leaving Eisner's captors literally high and dry. Eisner is rescued, and naturally the Knight Watchman accompanies him to the summit in case there's any more trouble.

Venus takes over. It turns out she's literally the goddess Venus. So, she was in Philadelphia (which might be her normal stomping grounds), escorting the French chemist Madame Furie to the summit. Furie looks little like the real Marie Curie, who was kind of emaciated; instead she looks like Wonder Woman's Golden Age pseudo-sidekick Etta Candy.

Venus and Furie are visiting the Liberty Bell at the moment, where they're surprised by a Nazi spy known as the Temptress. Via a weirdo gun, the Temptress gets the Liberty Bell to ring, a sound so cacophonous it knock Venus and Furie right out. When Venus comes to, she sees Furie being taken away by the Temptress (and she was also chained to the bell and stuff, but frees herself pretty easily). Incapable of catching the Temptress' car, she instead summons Pegasus.

It's pretty lucky that Furie wasn't injured in the crash, huh? That's the second time our heroes have endangered an innocent by deliberately provoking a car crash. Venus and Furie head to the summit atop Pegasus afterwards. Dr. Stellar, clearly regretting that he ever asked, tries to be like "Oh wow so it was the Great Minds Summit, that's great, see you later", but Venus passes the story on to Ultiman.

I was kind of bored of the formula, so it's good to see Ultiman changing it up -- he was already in Washington at the President's request, to serve as bodyguard to Winston Churchill. Churchill takes the time to see the Washington monument shortly before the summit is to begin. However, once he's inside, a steel door slides shut! Ultiman tears through it easily, but then the Washington Monument shoots out of the ground, because it's been turned into a rocket!

Ultiman finds the culprit, who is remote-controlling the rocket and plans to crash it into the White House to demoralize the Allied Forces. Naturally, Ultiman easily overcomes him and smashes his equipment, but this leaves the rocket unguided and it starts flying into space. Ultiman manages to save Churchill by grounding the monument in a really silly way.

Okay, so the conference is finally set to begin. All's well, right? As if. Nah; at the Smithsonian, the evil Henry Hyde reveals himself as the mastermind behind the whole thing. Born in the UK, Hyde was a brilliant scientist whose work was ignored due to his physical deformities. He moved to the USA, and was crushed when he wasn't invited to the Great Minds Summit. He swore he'd sabotage it and force the Allies to recognize his genius once and for all. And he still thinks he can, using his Anti-Matter Raygun to give life to the Smithsonian's exhibits!

Though "pandemonium results", Hyde's anger causes him to overload the gun, which blows up in his face, killing him. With the gun destroyed everything reverts to normal. One of the attending scientists realizes there's been some mistake -- he was mailed Hyde's invitation as well as his own, meaning Hyde did all this for nothing.

Despite this tragic development, the heroes are lauded by those in attendance, including Churchill, who compares them to the knights of his country's past. The seven of them band together as a force for good -- the Knights of Justice!

The Creature Commandos Continue to Continue (Weird War Tales #102)

Back with more of your favorite monster soldiers (although there aren't many others, really)! Strangely, despite their position on the cover, the CC story this issue takes a backseat to "the Dogtag Lottery". Also of note is that in this issue J.M. DeMatteis returns to the feature after being replaced by Bob Kanigher and Mike W. Barr for the last few stories.

If Hitler has a guy throw that hand grenade so close to him, I bet nobody wins out here. Oh, and since I write this part before I actually read the comic, I'm gonna guess that the real Hitler doesn't show up at all.

The story opens, for once, with the CCs nowhere in sight. Instead, we're treated to a scene inside a German boarding school, where concerned parents demand to see their children, having been disallowed any contact with them for weeks. When the children are brought out, they attack and kill their parents for "betraying the Fuhrer and all of Germany"! Afterwards, they are congratulated by their teacher, who reveals himself to be none other than Hitler himself.

Outside, and evidently at that very moment, the Shrieve, Velcro, and human form Griffith arrive at the school disguised as Nazi officers. As they're about to pass security, however, Griffith turns into werewolf mode and attacks a guard at the gate. 

 As a sidenote, I think the imperfection in Griffith's formula is kind of a neat way to make the otherwise flat "blood-crazed berserker" Griffith a little more interesting. Obviously it helps that his changes occur at the most dramatically appropriate times.

Lucky emerges from that tarp in the back of their Jeep (as if anything else would have been back there), and a skirmish erupts between the CCs and the remaining guards. As this happens, Shrieve thinks back 24 hours to the mission briefing in London. Shrieve tells the Commandos, including human Griffith, about brainwashing; Velcro sardonically notes that Shrieve will probably try it on them the first chance he gets. Shrieve, naturally doesn't deny this, only saying that brainwashing in adults isn't 100% effective due to the amount of conditioning involved -- children on the other hand...

Velcro thinks Shrieve is actually talking about Army Intelligence brainwashing kids, and even I think Shrieve wouldn't stoop that low. But Shrieve is talking about a German experiment where schoolkids were indoctrinated and injected with some chemical that gave them incredible strength -- Hitler's growing super soldiers whose only loyalty lies with him. As Creature Commandos missions go, this one's especially grim.

In the present, the CCs are dropped down a trap door activated by Hitler from a console inside the school. They're knocked out by gas and wake up in an area surrounded by barbed wire fences, where Hitler greets them personally and says they're to serve as his students' "final exam"

Velcro notices that Lucky's body language says he doesn't buy it's really Hitler; Shrieve is positive it isn't, and that it's just one of Hitler's various body doubles (told you). The kids are sicced on the CCs, and the realities of having to fight little kids start to sink in as Lucky can't bring himself to harm them, even as they're about to tear him apart.

Much as I hate to admit it, I think Shrieve is right, though I don't agree with deliberately killing the girl -- if they're young enough to get superbrainwashed they can be super-unbrainwashed.  Velcro is having trouble fighting back himself, as he identifies with them -- he's just like them, turned into a monster for an unfeeling war machine. But in the heat of the moment, his empathy evaporates after catching a vicious punch from one of the little ones, and he adopts a menacing pose, baring his fangs. The child recoils in horror, and in his fear, he finds clarity and understanding. He remembers killing his mother, and he remembers "Hitler" made him do it. He rushes at "Hitler", wrestling him to the ground and strangling the life from him before guards can stop him. "Hitler"s hairpiece falls off, revealing a bald head underneath so as to prove conclusively that he's not the ral deal.

Also, it looks like Griffith is actually not fighting back either, which strikes me as out of character. That's pretty much his only appearance in this scene -- obviously because the alternative to more or less writing him out of the story is showing him claw through dozens of cute kids. Anyway, inspired by their "brother", the other kids rebel against their captors, until what I feel is a dumb last-minute plot twist that you have to see to believe occurs.

What was that? That was probably for the sake of code approval, they couldn't have Shrieve's explosives kill all the kids even off-panel. Oh, and nice of Shrieve to sneak in one of his trademark expressions of bitter contempt towards the monsters he created in the second panel above. Griffith's in human form without explanation, so it's safe to assume he changed back sometime while he was being assaulted by those kids.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 4

Back with more Metal Men. As you may remember, last issue ended with the Metal Men (save Tin) and Doc temporarily turned to giants as they made their escape from a tyrannical giant robot queen. Also they're all chained together. So, since only Tin could fit in the rocket home, only he could go -- and he's basically their only hope of getting back to Earth, ever.

It's always great to see the Metal Men get creative with their unique powers. For instance, here Gold is making use of his malleability to turn his arms into bola-sporting ropes, whereas Iron is just trying to get the giant robot in a nasty bear hug. Also note Lead melting; besides Mercury and Tin, he has the lowest melting point of all the Metal Men.

I'm pretty much always going to include the "page 1 alternate cover angle", I really can't get enough of that. Although this is the first to have notable differences from the cover; here, Mercury is being zapped in half instead of Gold, and neither of them are really in the positions they are on the cover besides that.

Man, look at that robot design. I don't know if I'd call this a good thing or what, but it's certainly something you'd never see today -- needlenose plier hands and office chair wheels. I can't say if the artists really considered that futuristic or whatever, but it's certainly something to imagine.

The issue starts in earnest with a recap of how it all came to this. It's revealed that Tin didn't return to Earth, instead steering the rocket so that it orbits the planet everyone else is on while he frets about how to get them back to normal size sot hey can all go home. Also, it turns out that this issue marks the debut of Lead's verbal tic, wherein he can't complete a thought without saying "--Uhh--", which I've always found adorable. It's also another great example of incorporating the metal's properties into the character, as lead is very dense.

So, naturally, the first order of business for the rest of the Metal Men is breaking free of the chain they were bound with last issue. However, nothing works; it seems resistant to damage, and it grows and shrinks to thwart escape attempts.

Characters breaking the panels seems pretty ambitious, even artsy, for the time period. Man, this series really was ahead of its time, which is no doubt part of why I like it so much. Anyway, the evil robot queen seems dead bent on retrieving the Metal Men, and is seen leading a search party complete with, ahem, "hunting dogs." The Metal Men hide in the sand beneath them, and everyone gets a closer look at those "dogs".

 This was sort of hinted at in the last issue, what with the queen referring to her kind as "tin amazons" and longing for the male companionship of Tin, but these robots have sexes -- and even sexual dimorphism, as you can see here. Surprisingly, neither Doc nor Platinum makes anything out of this fact, despite it devaluing Doc's position of Platinum not being a woman.

In her fervor, the queen reveals the chain's secret; it's secured by a time lock, and she has the "key" in the form of a clock/dial on her chest. She just keeps turning the dial back and resetting the clock now and then, which seems like a bother that could have been avoided with a regular keyed lock. Still, now Doc knows how to get free from the chain -- by setting the clock's timer to zero.

The Metal Men escape the queen's notice, but are soon swooped up by a robot hawk or condor or something, who takes them back to its nest. Platinum tries to pull one of the Metal Men's favorite moves, the stay-behind self-sacrifice.

Everyone else rappels down Mercury to the bottom of the cliff the nest is situated on, when Doc realizes that Platinum is still attached to the chain and can thus be retrieved. Gold turns into a fishing reel, which is cranked by Iron to pull Platinum down -- but naturally this just pulls the bird down with her, as she's unwilling to let it go so it can nab them again. Doc may not have anticipated this, but he has a plan. And as plans go, it's a pretty simple one: hit it with a big hammer.

Note that he's still caught in the chain for this. Naturally, the strongest Metal Man wielding the toughest Metal Man as a weapon = one busted up robot bird. Incidentally, Lead also turned into a huge hammer wielded by Iron in the first issue, which I didn't cover because I found it boring. Still, between this and Gold's recent shenanigans (like the deck of cards thing from last issue), the Metal Men now all firmly have "creative shapeshifting" as a power; in a minute this will get ridiculous. Yes, more ridiculous than it already is.

With the team reunited, we cut to Tin, who decides to head back to the planet to retrieve his friends and teammates (and whatever Doc is to him, I guess). The queen sees the rocket as it approaches the surface and tries to fire on it, but misses repeatedly and blames it on the dog-men. She tells them to prove themselves worthy of freedom by finding the Metal Men, and they give chase in the direction the rocket was headed.

At that same moment, Tin sees that he's on a direct collision course with the Metal Men, who can't possibly get out of the way in time. Worse still, the fruit juice that made them giants has long worn off without their noticing (though the bird being giant should have been a sign). Clamoring to escape, everyone runs in different directions

Tin is forced to alter his course into the river seen above. Tin thinks this a suicidal maneuver, making this the second attempted sacrifice this issue. Everyone is touched by Tin's bravery, but don't consider him a lost cause and rush to save him just as the queen and her "dogs" arrive on the scene. The queen laughs at their foolishness, as the creatures under the water are extremely deadly

Underwater, Doc realizes that no one else realizes the he can't survive indefinitely underwater; it's not until he nearly passes out that Platinum sees the state he's in. Gold turns into a submarine that houses everyone else (though he doesn't surface for air, so I guess he drained the water out somehow)

With a giant crab bearing down on Tin in the rocket, there's only one thing to do: use Iron and Lead as freaking torpedoes. 

This is sort of a cheat, in that it's not obvious at first that Lead and Iron are still bound to the chain inside the sub (note the "tails" of the torpedoes above); I read this part five, six, seven times before I realized that's what that was. Surfacing to meet Tin as he leaves the rocket, they discover the queen has the rocket in her pincer, and she snaps up the golden sub as well! 

The scene from the cover occurs, though no one is hurt. At Doc's instruction, Platinum manages to turn the timer to 0, finally freeing them from the chain. This changes little, as the queen still has them right where she wants them, and does serious damage to everyone but Platinum and Doc -- until Platinum gives a speech about "the difference between men and dogs", inspiring the giant robot men to rebel against their captors.

With the evil queen trounced, the Metal Men board their rocket (with the blessing of the robotic men) and head back to Earth. With Lead, Iron, Gold, and Mercury in the Metal Recovery Room, Tin thanks Doc for trusting him with steering the rocket back to Earth. Doc can't hear him, as in his exhaustion he fell asleep in Platinum's lap; naturally, she's overjoyed, feeling almost as if he considered her a real woman. So far this is the first issue I've looked at where the ending didnt' introduce a plot thread for the next issue to tackle, unless you count the Metal Men's return to Earth.

It all started with the Big Bang, part 4 (Issue #3)

Back with more Big Bang; last issue was squarely 50s (the Knight Watchman story) and 40s (the Badge story), but we're moving into more solidly Silver Age material now with a classic "Superdickery" style cover.

Again, can't help but notice how much more purple the body of the Knight Watchman's costume is on these covers, I imagine that's very deliberate. Also, take note of the yellow outline around the shield emblem, which mirrors the yellow oval Batman symbol.

Table of contents includes a dedication to the then-recently deceased Curt Swan, incidentally; all too appropriate, given that this story is specifically inspired by the material of Swan's tenure drawing everything Superman. Also, there's no Dr. Weird text story this time, so the headlining Ultiman story is a little longer than the ones we've seen up to now.

This is the first real Ultiman story, even taking the original Caliber run into account; it's here that you learn all about his background and stuff like that.

For instance, Chris King was an astronaut who gained his powers when his space capsule was hit by a radioactive meteor. Coincidentally, this resembles the backstory of the original Ultraman somewhat, as he was a human astronaut who gained powers from anti-kryptonite. Anyway, Ultiman has worked for the government ever since. And while his identity as Chris Kelly is known to the public and his co-workers, he has another...

I have to hand it to writer Gary Carlson; most "Superman"-types are mild-mannered glasses-sporting guys who work some print job; the Samaritan is a fact-checker, the Sentry wrote encyclopedias, and Supreme is a comic book artist, for instance. And, however obvious this charade would probably seem in real life, I think it's sort of cute that "Carl" being Chris' identical twin explains away the resemblance.

Chris, as Ultiman, emerges from his office, and is informed by Gen. Black that a giant robot is robbing the Empire City bank. Ultiman surmises this is the work of his arch-enemy Dexter Cortex, who is essentially Lex Luthor and Brainiac combined into one. Meanwhile, Lori is upset that Ultiman is always ignoring her -- why can't he be the Kelly brother always asking her out?

Cutting to the bank, we see that "giant robot" is a pretty generous description of Cortex's machine; it's basically a tank with arms that end in simple pincer hands. It's also green and purple, no doubt in reference to Lex Luthor's color scheme of choice. Cortex is a bald, bespectacled, scientist who, as a caption informs us, went insane after hooking his mind up to a computer. This probably has something to do with the antennae coming out of his head.

I'm also seeing a bit of Sivana in Cortex, but I don't know if that's intentional. Sorry, this is going to be a longer one, since as I said this introduces you to everything you need to know about Ultiman. Cortex blasts him with a strange ray gun, but it seems to have no effect besides turning the wall behind Ultiman into a mirror-like surface. When Ultiman grabs him, Cortex explodes, having been a robotic double all along. Ultiman hints that he may have never actually met or seen the real Cortex. Ultiman leaves, thinking Cortex's "mirror gun" was harmless enough, though he does take it to his Secret Citadel for study. However, as he leaves, the bystanders looking at the mirrored wall disperse to reveal that Ultiman's reflection remains.

Naturally, what follows is a "Superman III" style "Evil Superman" plotline, although it's one that had been done many times in comics prior to that movie. There's several different versions of "Evil Superman", not even counting Bizarro.

This guy is kind of like Bizarro, though, except he's evil and looks just like Ultiman. Chris, as Carl, hears about this evil Ulitiman from a newspaper story, and knows the only way to clear his name is to venture out as Ultiman to get to the bottom of this. His first stop is his Secret Citadel, located in an active volcano and accessed via giant combination lock. There, he finds all of the evil Ultiman's stolen loot, as well as a busted up Ultiman robot

I feel like Ultiman is missing some key data, namely that he totally didn't do any of this stuff. I don't know about you, but I would suspect an impostor at this point. The Knight Watchman heads to the Citadel himself looking for answers, using the Flying Shield's laser to enter the door's combination, and in a classic "cover straight up lies to you" twist, he discovers Ultiman about to kill himself with the atomic chair. The Knight Watchman unplugs it before he has the chance, and vows to prove that his friend is innocent.

Just then, the other Ultiman, "Reverso", arrives at the Citadel to store more loot. Again, he looks identical to Ultiman, but it turns out he's "backwards" -- he's left handed, his fingerprints are backwards, and he even talks backwards.

Their fight eventually takes them to the original mirror wall. Reverso tries to smash the mirror, but Ultiman realizes this must be the key to stopping him. The Knight Watchman, lying in wait, shouts for Ultiman to duck as he fires the mirror gun. Naturally, Ultiman ducks, but Reverso doesn't, and he's sent back into the mirror, which Ultiman smashes before anything else has a chance to come out of it. Later, Lori receives flowers from Ultiman and jokes that if everyone had an opposite number, Carl's would be a real saint. "Carl" winks at the reader and the story comes to a close.

Time to move on with the Thunder Girl story

That's right, two consecutive "evil double" stories in this one. And I just want to say, I find Binana way too comical considering the fact that I'm older than 7. I also can't get enough of that "big green cheesecake" thing; naturally, it's something he calls Thunder Girl all the time. As it happens, I'm not going to insult your intelligence by explaining what all this stuff represents vs. Captain Marvel, since any braindead moron knows.

So the story opens with Binana behind bars -- at the zoo, naturally. They can imprison his body but they can't inhibit his intellect, so he's still a genius inventor and can still talk. He effects an escape by using a "brain extender' he created to control a nearby gorilla, forcing it to pry open the bars to its cage, and thereafter his. In his underground lair, Binana's mind starts working towards creating an enemy Thunder Girl can't possibly defeat.

Weeks later, high school student Molly Wilson witnesses notorious bank robbers Penny and Claude escaping from the scene of their latest heist. Naturally, she's Thunder Girl, and turns into her. 

A couple items of interest (in my opinion): one, the transformation is triggered by a magic word and a physical action, essentially a combination of Captain Marvel and Mar-Vell's transformation triggers. Two, I don't know that Thunder Girl is all that different looking from Molly, which is unusual for your Captain Marvel takeoffs. 

So when Thunder Girl catches up with them, they go through the old "shoot the invulnerable hero" bit and TG  effortlessly nabs Claude... only for Penny to seemingly conjure up strong winds and turn into th villainous Tornado Girl, seen two pics ago. A way too long flashback explains how Binana gave her the ability to turn into, uh, evil Thunder Girl. When the two come to blows, Thunder Girl goes down early and is brought to Binana's lab for, you know, research. Before she can be strapped to an operating table, however, she reveals she had been playing possum all along, and she quickly incapacitates Binana and Penny with a power that Captain Marvel doesn't have -- the ability to generate electricity from her body. Claude gives up, and soon Thunder Girl is hauling them to wherever they belong.