Monday, October 14, 2013

The Creature Commandos! Part 14 (WWT #119)

This is basically a disguised issue of the Metal Men -- a full-length CC story with all the craziness Bob Kanigher could pack into it.

The cover sort of mis-represents the story, and also what lions look like. Anyway, it starts out simply enough -- after some time in London the CCs are sent on a mission to retrieve allied spy Alesso from an Italian village, for fear that his secrets will fall into enemy hands.

If you ever played Fallout: New Vegas, this scene probably reminds you of arriving in Nipton and seeing the streets lined with people crucified by Caesar's Legion. Anyway, they rescue Alesso, who turns out to be an old woman, with only slight difficulty (namely, Velcro experiences a little Bat Form Dysfunction, but eventually he gets it up! Like, up in the air.)

Some other crap, including Lucky destroying a secret cache of rockets, happens. The real meat of the story, and the part that makes this the most ridiculous thing I've yet seen in all my comic-reading years, happens when Agent Alesso takes the CCs to her basement. 

A time machine. This is a little over halfway into the story, I thought we were about to end and head into GI Robot, but no -- it's spy rescue and time travel today. This is the most sudden, most drastic mid-story genre shift I've ever seen, or heard of, I don't even know how to feel about that. The CCs, minus Shrieve of course, head to the year 2944, hoping the scientists of the future will be able to undo their deformities. Sure, if you've got insurance. 

New Earth! Home to the Fightin' Giant Aryans, who basically live in a Jetsons-style future utopia (except still actually on Earth, I guess). What the giants were doing out here, I can't tell you, since the landscape is arid wasteland as far as the eye can see. Until they take the CCs into their hovercraft and show them to their city, at least.

These turn out to be artifacts from before a nuclear war in the 2240s, all brought to one place as a reminder of mankind's mistakes. If you're wondering where these giant guys live, by the way, it's a giant city under a huge glass dome, like some kind of funhouse mirror version of Kandor. Anyway, as if I needed to tell you, the inhabitants of New Earth are really creepy. It's like Brobdingnagian Stepford Wives, only it's Stepford Everyones.

You know, right around this point I realized this is a pretty freaking weird war tale. Way to deliver on a premise, WWT. Anyway, don't worry, they're just going to watch a movie detailing the origin of this new society -- the twins Claude and Claudia proposed it centuries ago, and it was passed into law. Oh, and why is everyone giant? Uhhhh...

Can you guess who they picked as the clone daddy/mommy? Because duh it was those two. Anyway, the master race guys knock out the CCs and throw them into, uh, a lion pit. See, the CCs are different and thus must die. Still, it was nice of their hosts to treat them to a movie before killing them. A fable breaks out when Lucky befriends one of the lions by taking a thorn from its paw.

I'm glad Rhodes is here to comment on everything, because imagine Velcro saying this stuff. Lucky naturally shows up for one of his classic feats of strength, tearing a future-dude sized gate off its hinges and tossing it at his captors.

The CCs escape the colosseum and the dome quickly, and free the lions on their way out. Lucky really made a big impression on that lion, who is obviously his #1 bro for lyfe now.

I don't know why but I find the waving lion the silliest thing in the story. He's Lucky's soul brother, man, it's a bond I can't comprehend. The CCs pile back into the time machine and return to where they came from. They're actually happy to see Shrieve when they get back, though naturally the feeling isn't mutual.

WWT was canceled after #122, meaning there are only three stories left after this. God, how could they ever top this one?

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