The Creature Commandos! Part 10 (WWT #112)

You know, ever since Bob Kanigher became the regular writer for this feature, things have been a little weird. I mean, he did a few stories before the CCs were regular fixtures that were fairly down to earth, but remember the robots from Atlantis last issue? This one's going to be weirder than that.

And, knowing Kanigher from his Metal Men work, I imagine things will only get more and more bizarre.

Let me guess, nothing even a little like that happens in the comic? Anyway, the CCs are in Northern Africa. Man, they get around, huh? I bet we'll see them in Greenland soon enough. They're there to keep the Afrika Korps off-balance until Patton's forces show up, and right now are mopping up local scavengers targeting dead GIs in what was recently a battlefield.

Yeah, that's exactly the sensitivity I've come to expect of Shrieve. You know, I don't think I've ever seen any of these guys but Shrieve even hold a gun before. Not that I'm complaining, obviously Velcro is scarier with a gun than without, and he and Lucky are both trained soldiers anyway, but I thought their MO was unarmed close range guerrilla strikes. 

Shrieve keeps piling on the abuse because he's a horrible person, but as the mission drags on, water rations dry up. Velcro's suffering the most, though, since all he drinks is blood. Still, he manages to bring down an attacking Luftwaffe plane near the Sphinx. I guess "North Africa" specifically meant "Egypt", then. They take cover inside a pyramid and find a mummy with a snake hairdo like Rhodes'.

And then everyone but Rhodes drinks cursed mummy wine. Yeah, even Velcro, though he does complain. I guess it was established that they were all thirsty, but get real. And they shrink to six inches tall or so as soon as they leave the pyramid.

Rhodes is forced to carry the others... in her snake hair. The snakes seems fairly hostile towards the doll-sized CCs, and everybody gets bitten a time or two. Soon they come across an Afrika Korps unit maintaining its tanks, and Rhodes flips out, attacking them by herself. Luckily her horrifying appearance causes the enemies to hesitate before firing on her. Still, the tiny CCs leap to her aid in the most adorable way possible.

This is the first time Lucky uses a gun (no, he wasn't firing at the start of the story), and it's also the best time anyone has ever used a gun. Shrieve, Velcro, and Griffith man a machine gun as well, but that's more comical looking than this majestic spectacle. Although they use the machine gun to puncture cans of tank fuel, blowing the tanks sky high and clearing out the camp once and for all.

Miles away, Patton looks out at a battlefield and remarks that Rommel was sunk by the loss of a Panzer unit, thanking whatever brave soldiers are responsible. Anyway, cut back to the CCs, who return to normal dude size (or Lucky size, as the case may be).

I'm gonna come out and say it: Bob Kanigher is often a lazy writer. That thing about Platinum's faulty responsometer attracting lightning in the last Metal Men post I did, for instance, only came up like two pages before it proved an important plot point, and maybe four pages before the end of the story. It's pretty convenient that Rhodes had the cure to Dollman Syndrome growing out of her head, and that the story is resolved in literally the last panel.

Now, don't get me wrong; "lazy" doesn't mean "not amazing", it just means he didn't give a damn. And, to be honest, he's kind of got me beat there, since I'm sitting here complaining about how believable a story about monster soldiers is.

It came from the Dollar Bin! H-E-R-O #1 & #2!

Dial H for Hero is dear to my heart because I got a few of the Chris and Vicky, 80s issues at a secondhand book store when I was a kid. The concept fascinated me, and as any idiot can tell you, the possibilities are endless (though Siskoid notes that most dialed heroes aren't good enough to exist outside the context of the dial).

H-E-R-O was something of a dream come true for me, and to this day it remains one of my favorite comic series. I'm no fan of the New 52 Dial H, for lots of reasons (though I do like the Nelson Jent character), but that's not what we're here for today.

H-E-R-O follows the lives of people who get their hands on the HERO Dial. It's not like previous Dial H for Hero concepts, where one or two people have permanent possession of it; no, this one changes hands all the time. Exhibit A is Jerry, whose story lasts the first four issues (and doesn't even really end there).

Jerry is a hapless nobody; the biggest event in his life is the time he saw Superman, something that drove him into depression because "he's everything and I'm nothing!" Well, that's not the biggest, but his story is relayed to us via his call to a suicide hotline. 

Jerry lives in Heaton, Penn., a former industry town now known for rampant unemployment and crime. He works at an ice cream shop for minimum wage, and the only light in his life is a cute co-worker named Molly. But... she was a huge fan of Superman and always wanted to talk about the time Jerry saw him.

A lot of people would probably say Jerry misses the point of Superman, but not me; his reaction is a perfectly rational and very human one. Of course, he's suffered from depression for a while, so that may have something to do with it. 

But Jerry doesn't want to kill himself because he can't be Superman -- it's because even with powers he still can't measure up. See, he found something a customer must have forgotten one day while doing dishes. It was the dial, duh.  He seemed to almost subconsciously understand what it was, and later that night went up to the roof of his apartment building and, well, dialed it. 

I have few complaints about this series, but one is that Doug the suicide hotline guy doesn't buy Jerry's story at all and thinks he's either delusional or on drugs. Uh, what? This guy seriously doesn't believe someone could have superpowers in the DC universe?  Anyway, Jerry turns into Afterburner, a guy who is a whole lot like Superman and basically your stock superhero. He saves a kid on a bike from being run over by a drunk driver, but the kid isn't grateful because nobody asked for his help and now his bike's destroyed. 

That's item #1 on the "I'm not good enough" list for Jerry, though he didn't think much of it at the time. Brushing it off, he goes to take care of the drunk driver, who is still speeding down the road. He flies in front of the huge truck, holds out a hand, and... is flung far away and seriously injured by the ensuing collision.

Turns out Afterburner isn't as invulnerable as he looks. Usually the dial provides instant knowledge of your dialed hero's powers, but I imagine Jerry let his preconceived notions get the better of him.

#1 ends there, but continuing into #2. Jerry dials back and is fine, and pulls the drunk driver from the wrecked car. He calls 911 anonymously and leaves the guy on the side of the road. He thought about how he was still the same loser even with powers, and didn't use the dial for a while, instead going about his life normal-like. 

That is, until the old lady who left the dial shows up and demands it be found and returned to her. Jerry doesn't do anything, but he had a nightmare -- as bad as his first time super was, he's afraid of being brought back down to normal, too. He decides to give the dial another go. He turns into the Bouncer, a springy, rubbery guy, and has a blast just bounding around the city. He starts using the dial for fun, for the simple experience of having these abilities.

Is it me or does Jerry have way better luck with the Dial than anyone before him? That's something you'll see in this series; there are no lame or crappy heroes, though you could argue that there are boring ones.

He started skipping his job by pretending to be sick, and devoting his life to these thrills. He also turned into a strong guy called the Wrecker and destroyed the old auto plant that ruined the city when it closed. Doug points out that none of this is really heroic, and if anything the old lady was better off with the dial, causing an incensed Jerry to hang up... only to call back moments later and admit fault. 

See, Jerry was upset because of what happened next; he needed something to focus his powers on before they drove him crazy, and he vowed to become Heaton's own superhero, just like Robby was to Littleville. Only, after a few days of watching the town like a hawk, he couldn't find any crime. Realizing he must be going about it the wrong way, he starts checking out the bad (or worse, more like) part of town.

But even as Powerhouse, he has no idea what to really do with prostitutes or drug dealers, and just makes a fool of himself. He has an extended dialogue with a drug dealer who counts all the ways Jerry can't do anything to him. This frustrates Jerry so much that he loses his temper and pops the guy in the stomach, a move he soon regrets.

Obviously the issue ends there, but (not to spoil stuff too much) Jerry's story is also obviously not over -- though I didn't get those issues at the used book store, I WILL come back to finish this story arc, which ends in H-E-R-O #4

The title of the story arc is "Powers and Abilities"; Jerry has powers that allow him to do good, but lacks the ability. Not everyone's cut out to be a superhero, and this is a great examination of how and why that is. Jerry's not a bad man, far from it, but he's clinically depressed and being a superhero can't change that or help it. He's also both clueless and sensitive, not knowing how to go about heroism and letting every little thing get to him and worsen his mood. He's very much a fascinating character, and I hope that helps you see why I love this comic so much.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 10!

This post coincides with the premiere of a series of Metal Men shorts for Cartoon Network's DC Nation programming block. You know, the minute-if-that shorts that they play between the shows. Oh, and they're written by Evan Dorkin and Sara Dyer, whom I mostly know from the handful of Space Ghost Coast to Coast episodes they wrote. They mentioned on twitter that their 8-year-old daughter reads all kinds of comics, including classic Metal Men, making her obviously the coolest kid ever.

Platinum isn't going to be hot for Doc in the shorts, and Doc is instead disdainful of all the Metal Men for their emotions. Jeez, as if his relationship with Platinum wasn't sad enough. I do kind of wonder how Platinum will fare without her defining personality trait, but that's for another time. Or is it?

Again, brilliant in its simplicity. A lot of Silver Age comics exaggerated plot points on their covers, or made stuff up wholesale, but you don't need to embellish a single detail to make an exciting Metal Men cover -- probably because Bob Kanigher is absolutely bonkers.

Now, "monstrous bad guy wants the hot girl" is a pretty cliche story, sure. But think about it, if you could throw the Metal Men around like dolls, you don't need any of them as your servants for their powers, and while Platinum isn't about to win a Miss Personality contest, she's, you know, a girl, which is clearly important to this guy.

So the story begins with Doc hard at work in his lab, with the Metal Men wondering what he's working on. It turns out to be a new responsometer, to replace the 'defective' one Platinum has. Doc insists on this replacement, even though everybody, even Mercury, would rather Platinum stay just as she is. Nobody but Platinum says this to his face, of course, but knowing Doc I imagine he'd have put the new responsometer in just the same.

But either something went wrong with the procedure or Doc messed up the unit itself, because when it's installed, Platinum has no feelings for Doc, but fawns over Gold.

I've probably said it before, but Doc really does have some affection for Platinum. He certainly seems upset when she beams about how amazing Gold is. As if Doc weren't having enough trouble, his latest nameless hot girlfriend leaves him when he won't stop fretting over his robots, because obviously they're much more important to him than her.

But enough of that, it's time to hit the beach! Is it me or does Doc mostly treat the Metal Men like his kids? Hell, I don't even get what he ever intended them for in the first place now that I think about it, if not to keep him company. Not that I'm complaining, of course. Anyway: Metal Men sailboat time. Yeah, sailboat, with Iron as the keel no less. 

Naturally, this provides the perfect context for their encounter with that living seamine. It's about the size of the sailboat, which makes me wonder how they got so close without anybody seeing it. On the cover it talks like it's lusting after Platinum, but it actually wants Gold. Oh, snap, and now Gold has emotional significance to Platinum -- conflict! The mine uses its chain-arms to pull the boat under. 

And this seems as good a time as any to mention that Lead got left on the beach after launching the boat with that ramp form, as evidently nobody thought they could use a rudder. 

This seems like a good time for that submarine form Gold took the last time Doc was in danger of drowning, but instead Tin turns into a diving bell and Mercury hauls them to the surface as a torpedo. Platinum and Iron stay behind to see to Gold, who is the only one the Floating Fury wants. It turns out the mine is female, which is why it wants Gold in the first place. Iron refuses to hurt a lady, so Platinum winds herself around the thing while Iron helps Gold escape to the surface.

The Floating Fury calls for backup, and another of her kind arrives, calling her its Queen. It's love at first sight when the new guy sees Platinum, meaning he's the one from the cover. Platinum gets away, and the Queen blames her for stealing Gold away. She vows to give Platinum to her lackey as punishment, while keeping Gold for herself. Also, she goes to meet Neptune, god of the sea, seeking his approval and aid. No, for real.

Yikes, he's oddly sympathetic to her plight. He also promises his personal aid, via his manipulation of the waves themselves. Basically, the Metal Men are now up against "what if Aquaman was a bomb"? And what the queen does with these new 'powers' is amazing; she commands a bunch of sharks to line up and bite each other's tails so she can use them as a giant harpoon.

Holy crap this comic is amazing. Tin quickly forms a shield to protect Doc. However, the shark-poon is not only "phantastic", but functional, as it easily pierces through Tin, who acts like he did a classic Metal Man heroic sacrifice but seems to be okay in a minute.  Iron forms another shield that the sharks bounce right off of, causing the Floating Fury to summon up a tidal wave to crush the Metal Men instead. 

Gold thinks quickly and comes up with a creative plan to save, uh, most of them; he turns into saucers for Mercury, Platinum, Tin, and Doc to sit in. Iron then tosses the saucers towards the shore, skipping them across the water like a stone. Naturally, this is another heroic sacrifice, as he's left stranded on Tin's floating corpse, rusting and sinking when the wave collapses onto him.

Everyone escapes to the flying saucer, but obviously thoughts turn to Iron and how to save him. But as they consider what they can do, a horrible storm kicks up, knocking them out of the flying saucer and into a huge whirlpool. Naturally, this is the work of the Floating Furies.

When Doc thinks he's about to drown, all he can think of is Platinum and how he wished he hadn't changed her. Aaawwwww. Also, Platinum's new responsometer is so busted that unlike the other Metal Men, she attracts lightning. This works to their advantage, as when grabbed by the Floating Furies, she deliberately allows herself to be struck by lightning, blowing the mine robots to pieces. With that done, Doc heads a successful salvage expedition to recover the remains of Platinum and Iron. After they get their repairs in the Metal Recovery Room, Doc replaces Platinum's responsometer again, returning her to normal.

All in all: oh god yes. From any kind of rational standpoint this was ridiculous, but from any other standpoint this comic rules, a lot.

It all started with the Big Bang! Part 10 (Issue #14)

I'm skipping around a lot, but get real, this is the mind-bending conclusion to the Savage Dragon crossover.

As you may recall from last time, Dragon has a "time bomb" strapped to his chest, which can explode again and again, taking him to a different time with each kaboom. This is a convenient device for the superhero comic theme, as it allows him to explore the various eras of comics.

Dragon's lot is a sad one, though he knows an end does come when he meets Venus in the 1970s -- how long until then, however, no one can say. Also, it's so weird to see Kirby-style Ultiman like that. Kirby didn't draw Superman a lot, did he?

However, despite this, the story opens with Dragon popping back to Chicago on the very day he was taken by the Society of Evil Minds. But it's... different. Not his Chicago at all; he goes to the police station and nobody, not even his partner Alex Wilde, recognizes him.

That's when the cops call in the National Guardians to deal with this green monster. Who are the National Guardians?

Evidently this is the 90s of Earth-B specifically. Check out that gloveless Ultiman and the Earth-B Beacon. I don't get the third guy, though.I guess that makes sense, Binana had input on Grandfather Clock's time machine, no doubt it can travel between the worlds, too. Ultiman does recognize Dragon, but from a warp Dragon hasn't taken yet -- to the 1930s. Apparently they had some serious altercation, because Ultiman's been waiting nearly 60 years to pop Dragon in the mouth again.

There's more; Venus went back to the gods in '57, and Ultiman is married to Lori Lake, not that Arlene woman seen last issue. Or, she was, until she died in childbirth. I'd feel sorry for Dragon if he weren't being so slow on the uptake here, though I don't know how familiar he'd be with alternate universes in the first place.

A blow from Ultiman coincides with the bomb exploding again, sending him, funnily enough, to meet 1930s Ultiman. Dragon doesn't realize he's in a different time at first, probably because the art style changes are imperceptible to him. He doesn't get it until Ultiman mentions only getting his powers last week. Oh, and naturally there's the requisite Action Comics #1 homage, though in a somewhat novel move it's Dragon hefting the car.

Yeesh, you know, I never realized how uneven Dragon's proportions normally are until I saw this relatively realistic version.

Dragon thinks the time stream may have been corrupted after the last time he met Ultiman. Er, the last time he met Ultiman and they were friends, that is. Probably something to do with the temporal paradox caused by the two Grandfather Clocks in the Brave and the Bold segment that closed out the last issue. Speaking of, you may remember that Dragon got a hold of a remote to control the time jumps at the end of the issue, but being stuck in Earth-B means that hasn't been helpful. Anyway, their fight continues until Dragon's had his fill; he activates the time bomb without bothering to set it, landing in a US Army camp in 1952 Korea. 

An Army nurse talks to Dragon, and soon reveals herself to be Venus. Again, Earth-B Venus

That's a crappy excuse to get retired, at least old Ultiman got sick and lost his powers. Not gonna lie, this is the least eventful jump yet, and possibly ever. They just talk, really, I don't feel like I understand Venus' deal in the 50s any better.

She hears him out, and realizes what must have happened -- Binana can probably send Dragon back to his own world, and with the Earth-A/B time difference, he'll have the knowledge to do so in 1944, which is where (or when, I guess) he heads next. There (then), a trip to the hair salon for Molly Wilson proves to be a trap set by Dr. Binana, who apparently knows her civilian identity and, judging by the fact that he bound her arms, the "must touch ring to necklace" caveat of the Thunder Girl transformation. That's where Dragon comes in.

He frightens Binana into submission and frees Molly as insurance, watching her turn into Thunder Girl. I mentioned before that it's not much of a transformation, but Thunder Girl clearly looks taller and more muscular than Molly in this story, so whatever. Binana does some pretty funny sniveling to TG, so great is his fear of Dragon.

So they force Binana to let Dragon use his world hopping device, but Binana secretly pulls the plug halfway through sending Dragon home. This causes Dragon to be split between the worlds, literally. This ties into a Blitz story; The Silver Age Blitz and his sidekick Cyclone are headed to Earth-B for a wedding, that of Golden Age Blitz Mack Snelling and his pseudo-sidekick Speed Queen.

I should mention that Cyclone's relation to the Blitz isn't made very clear, but whatever. Anyway, as they vibrate their molecules to Earth-B's frequency, they get interference from Dragon blocking the way. 

The Earth-B Blitz sees his other half, and heads to Earth-A to investigate, but Dragon vanishes before he gets the chance to help. A mysterious force sets off the Time Bomb, sending him back to Earth-A in full... in 1965! There, he lands in the secret HQ of BADGE, based on SHIELD, which is one of a scant handful of Marvel-inspired things in Big Bang in general, including the original Badge and his Rookies. Wait, wasn't the Badge an Earth-B character? Eh, whatever.

BADGE, the Bureau for Advanced Defense and Global Espionage, is headed by the original Badge's former sidekicks Bobby and Trooper; Trooper was crippled in an accident at some point and is strictly an administrator, but Bobby is his top field agent. Oh, and they're brother and sister, in case you were wondering. 

Dragon's just trying to make sense of where he is, but can't get a moment's peace because all the BADGE agents think he's some spy or monster after the Infinity Orb. He even knocks out Bobby when she comes after him. It doesn't get much better when the Badge himself shows up. And he's throwing his shield now, having essentially gone full Captain America because the Guardian wasn't relevant in 1965.

Dragon has no clue what the Infinity Orb is, (though you and I know it's basically the Cosmic Cube), but some creep shrouded in darkness uses the confusion to steal it for himself. The bad guy flees into the time stream, and Dragon gives chase, hoping to be pulled by the other guy's wake. See, he recognizes the voice as that of the mysterious dude who saved him from the half-and-half Earth A/B thing a minute ago, and wants answers. The Badge, grabbing his leg, comes with him out of concern for the Infinity Orb.

Things don't go so great; Dragon thinks it's because he didn't set a destination, but he winds up in a crazy place with the chronometer reading all zeros. And then the time bomb and remote just turn to dust. Also, the Badge was killed on arrival, and turns out to have been a robot the whole time.

That's when he meets the end of time's inhabitants: the Time Being (Lord of Time) and Oblivia (the End of Everything). I don't think they're especially direct counterparts to anyone -- the Time Being is kind of a Kang/Watcher I guess. The Kirbyesque art in this segment is, really authentic looking, by the way, and I kind of wish Kirby Dragon happened more often.

The Time Being is the guy who took the Infinity Orb; by his reasoning, its power was never meant for mortal hands, in which it would only bring destruction and misery. He also fixed the Earth A/B mix-up, as it was causing a disturbance in the time stream. In any case, the Time Being offers to send Dragon back to his own time via his Time Tunnel, and invites him to look around his palace while he gets that ready. Dragon soon discovers something seriously weird while looking for a bathroom, though -- the Infinity Orb sapping power from several unconscious (or even dead) Ultimen. And on that note, we're done for now, with Part 3 coming in Big Bang #18. In color, no less!

The Creature Commandos! Part 9! (WWT #111)

This is a Very Special Issue, in that it's a crossover between the Creature Commandos and the star of Weird War Tales' other regular feature, GI Robot. It's also the first full-issue CC story since WWT #100. Like the Creature Commandos, the story behind GI Robot is a simple one: He's J.A.K.E. (Jungle Automatic Killer, Experimental), a mute combat robot way, way ahead of his time, partnered with Marine Sgt. Coker for various escapades in the Pacific theater. He's got weapons built into his hands, super robot strength, and, deep down inside, the heart of a real American hero.

Er, that is... Anyway, we start off with J.A.K.E. and Coker wading through the jungle on the tiny Pacific isle of Tattu, when they run into a Japanese ambush. Coker is wounded and has to be ferried to a hospital, and J.A.K.E. swims after his transport, unwilling to leave his friend's side. There's this whole robo-racism angle in GI Robot stories, where nobody thinks J.A.K.E. has (or can have) feelings or emotions, but that's totally just because he doesn't talk. Even Coker was essentially the kiddie version of Shrieve, always non-maliciously insulting J.A.K.E.'s intelligence and emotional capacity.

If anything, it reminds me of Doc Magnus' relationship with Platinum. I doubt this was intentional, but it's probably no coincidence that both the Metal Men and GI Robot were written and created by Bob Kanigher.

Meanwhile, at a Parisian children's hospital, Shrieve is doing what he does best: shaming, insulting, and demeaning the monsters in his thrall. The CCs are there to put on a show for the kids: a freak show, naturally. Sure, the kids are more astonished than afraid or repulsed, but I really don't think this is helping any of these guys' body image issues. The table is turned when Rhodes shows off her snakes, though, as the kids burst into laughter when Shrieve is frightened by them.

I guess it's nice to know that, despite Shrieve having nothing to do with her, uh, condition, Rhodes shares the others' open contempt for him. Looks like she's gonna fit in just fine. Oh, and she's been consistently referred to as "Dr. Medusa", but that name can eat me; none of the others have codenames.

Shrieve is later called in for a mission briefing by a special ops CO. Tattu is of vital significance to the Pacific theater, he says, but allied marines aren't making any headway. They've tried to send ships full of reinforcements, but each one was sunk on the way, just after reporting an unknown bogie. And these couldn't have been enemy ships or planes, because the allied ships would have detected and recognized them.

The CCs are to be flown out to a fleet near Tattu, where they'll find the UFO and destroy it any way they can. Uh, I think this guy doesn't really get what the CCs do; they're capable of a lot, but fighting a ship-sinking mystery airship?

Back with the CCs, who are all hanging out because it's not like they have any other friends. Shrieve pulls up in a jeep, which they pile into as they head off on the mission.

It turns out they literally only had the plane waiting for them, as they crew it themselves, with Shrieve piloting, Griffith and Lucky as gunners, etc. Griffith spots J.A.K.E., still swimming after the sub carrying Coker, in the water below, but dismisses it as his eyes playing tricks on him because nobody could be swimming this far from land

And then a giant pteranodon attacks. It looks like Tattu is close to Dinosaur Island, because they're in dino country again. Rhodes takes the giant flying lizard's appearance in stride

Velcro does what is basically the coolest thing he could possibly do: he feeds it a grenade in bat form.

The plane's in such bad shape from the attack that it goes down into the drink. The CCs swim towards their rubber raft (after Velcro, no joke, drinks pteranodon blood), only to find J.A.K.E. in it. They think he's hostile until he blasts away a giant pleisiosaur that was coming up behind them. Shrieve bemoans that the mission was a bust, but their objective ends up coming to them.

It sucks their raft inside, then submerges below the depths again. As it happens, Rhodes feels very attached to J.A.K.E., thinking him the closest thing to a man who isn't disgusted by her. Lucky, however, has a crush on her that he obviously can't voice. As if this guy needed another thing to be sad about. Anyway, looking out a window (or porthole I guess), they see the spinny crown has descended to a city in a giant air pocket, which obviously has to be Atlantis.Velcro and Rhodes trade theories about why Atlantis is under the Pacific, but Shrieve is more concerned with the giant honking rockets near the crown's eventual landing site.

It turns out Atlanteans are kind of Mayans, and that this is "Atlantis II", to which Atlanteans retreated as their land sank. Atlantis II also sank, but they were ready for it this time. Man, for an advanced culture they pick the crappiest land to live on. The attacks on allied ships are part of a revenge plot against Atlantis' enemies, with the Atlanteans not realizing that all their enemies are long dead now. The head Atlantean isn't hearing it, declaring the CCs monsters and enemies of the state, which starts a huge brawl. Lucky knocks the leader's head off and it turns out they're all robots.

The leader says that Atlantean scientists learned to build incredibly sophisticated robots, and this is the result: a master race, superior to humans, destined to rule the world. As this is revealed, J.A.K.E. seems to turn traitor, firing on the CCs. He herds them back into the crown on the head Atlantean's orders, and guides those rockets I mentioned earlier towards the American fleet... or does he?

He was just pretending to betray the CCs; he ejects them along with a life raft and drives the missiles into the ocean, blowing himself to bits in the process. Man, it's a real shame, I bet he and Lucky would have had a lot to talk about if they could talk. 

His sacrifice is undermined somewhat, though, by a caption that reveals another J.A.K.E. is ready for action by next issue.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 9!

I've mentioned this before, but just about every issue of this comic feeds directly into the next; #8 was the first of a two-part story featuring Billy the blind kid, for instance. Well, you may remember the Metal Men (sans Tin) being placed in a smelting pool and emerging combined as Alloy last issue. Uh, they're still combined at the start of this one.

And, evidently, this somehow entails the return of the Gas Gang. Because of course it does. Also, it's lucky Tin isn't part of Alloy, I imagine that means he'll save the day somehow.

Did their nametags move since #6? It really is cool to see these guys again, though, I have to say; recurring villains are a good thing, I've been getting a little sick of the one-offs like the Solar Brain or the Tin Amazons. Also, I'm going to mostly refer to the alloy form as Alloy for the sake of convenience.

There's a recap that brings new readers up to speed. You may remember Alloy being big enough to fight the robot roller juggernauts, but apparently the combined Metal Men can shift size like Giant Man, because they fit into the rocket home okay and are only slightly taller than Doc here.

I seem to remember Platinum and Mercury being the whole legs last issue, but here they're just the hips. Uh, whatever. They're also the two least comfortable with the Alloy form; Mercury hates being situated so close to Platinum, and Platinum... well she mostly hates being rebuffed by Doc, which happens a couple times in this scene. Oh, and Doc starts calling Platinum a "robette". I find that hilarious and can only hope that continues.

Alloy is sent to the Metal Recovery Room while Doc and Tin do research on how to separate them. Gold takes the chance to take in some reading, Lead and Iron play cards, Mercury's temper continues to flare, and Platinum is fuming at Doc. This isn't helped when Doc's latest girlfriend shows up to visit him. Platinum maliciously trips her, but is chewed out by Doc. However, she notes to the others that Doc can't be looking into separating them and entertaining this lady at the same time. This causes them to take matters into their own hands and just jump into a smelting pool.

It turns out Doc went on a dancing date with that woman, but it ends badly when she accuses him of caring more about his Metal Men than her. Wait, didn't Platinum accuse him of the opposite? So he returns to the lab, and a worried Tin takes him to the smelting pool to check on the impromptu alloy separation.

It turns out that, much like the moon microbes from #3, there were unknown alien elements involved in forming Alloy, and combining them with the heat of the smelting pool is making the Metal Men's bodies freak out. Seriously, they're horrifying. And it's not just their bodies; when Doc tries to talk to them (with Tin shielding him from the heat and splashing molten slag), they act like they've never met him or Tin before.

Crazy Alloy leaves the pool and smashes through a wall, laughing as they head into the night. Doc and Tin give chase via tin Gadget Copter, and catches up with them. Alloy is juggling two of Doc's rockets, which collide and explode, knocking Doc out with the blast. After Tin turns into a parachute to get Doc safely to the ground, Platinum picks them up and pins them to her hat, thinking they're a cute accessory. No, for real.

The Air Force shows up to investigate the explosion, with pilots deciding to investigate the crazed Alloy (whom they take for a twisted prototype, unwilling to believe these are the real Metal Men. Awww.) I'm getting a King Kong vibe here, and that ended badly for both a lot of the pilots and the big monster. As the planes swoop in to get a closer look, the Metal Men defend themselves from what they interpret as an attack.

Some pilots get caught in Alloy's anti-air defenses, but eject before they can get hurt. Those still in the air receive orders to fire missiles at the loony robot/s, but Alloy has this covered, too; Gold commands Lead and Iron to form a blast shield, which admirably absorbs the blast/s. However, Tin and Doc are knocked loose from Platinum's hat and escape back to the lab. 

There, they head to the little museum of bad guys the Metal Men have faced (really), for reasons Doc won't explain at first. It turns out he's trying to figure out who can stop Alloy. He settles on the Gas Gang, which is handy because they're the only ones he could possibly contact and/or recreate, being that he made them the first time anyway. As he brings the Gas Gang back to life, Doc weeps that he knows no other way out of this than to destroy his beloved Metal Men.

It's vaguely suggested that the Gas Gang are more or less inherently evil, and that just begs the question: What happens after they 'destroy' the Metal Men, exactly? Who's to stop them? The Gas Gang goes outside for the climactic battle, and the Metal Men seem to be coming to their senses a little, as they remember both the Gas Gang and Doc now.

As the Gas Gang manhandles the combined Metal Men, Tin is torn between his friends and Doc -- he can't just stand there while the Gas Gang messes them up, can he? Anyway, the fight is over soon enough when Carbon Dioxide freezes Alloy solid. They're brought back to Doc's lab, where they get bombarded with electrical currents to destroy the "hostile elements" that they were alloyed with. The Gas Gang turns on Doc, knocking him out, but the cured Alloy tears them to pieces. When Doc comes to, everyone's back to their normal selves, separated from the alloy form

It all started with the Big Bang! Part 9 (Issue #12)

Skipping more issues BECAUSE I CAN. Also, I kind of wanted to get to this, the start of a Savage Dragon crossover, right away. I'm no massive fan of Dragon, I've read little of his comic, but I watched the cartoon as a kid, I enjoy what I've read of it, and I think I understand Dragon's character more or less.

Similar to the Knights of Justice origin issue, this one comes with a pre-packaged gimmick, and as such it's a really goddamn amazing comic. Basically, Dragon warps back and forth between various eras, and his encounters in those eras are based on the comics that were around at the time. Each story has its own art style, too.

The story gets underway with a secret meeting of the Society of Evil Minds, the equivalent of the Monster Society of Evil. Its members include Hy Q. Binana, Cortex, the Wicked Worm (who survived his bisection in BB #1 and is now, uh, two worms), and two new guys: Baron Brain and Dr. Nirvana, Mighty Man's archenemy. The art here is really emphasizing the Sivana angle for not just Binana and Nirvana, but also Cortex

So this is taking place on Earth A, with Binana still able to travel between the worlds at his leisure. Although I guess this takes place before the Criss-Cross Crisis storyline. Of course, I have to wonder why he would bother at all if their plan couldn't affect Thunder Girl. Anyway, the Wicked Worms ask if this is about some stock market scam, and while cursing himself for missing that obvious idea, Binana says he's after more than money -- he wants to take the strongest, nastiest creatures from the future and use them to crush their heroic foils. And for starters, Officer Dragon looks like just the type. Looks like, of course.

To that end, Knight Watchman baddie Grandfather Clock has devised, uh, something like a time machine, sort of. See, this is why they need a big monster for the mission; the only thing Grandfather Clock could find that could produce the energy to break the time barrier was a uranium bomb, albeit one that can explode again and again. With the remote control, the Society of Evil Minds can send him to any time they like. 

As it turns out, Dragon is fighting Mighty Man because MM is possessed by the Wicked Worm (who is actually thousands of worms at  this point), and the Wicked Worm deliberately lured Dragon to a certain location to get him to jump on the time bomb.

Yeesh, is Dragon hairy. You know he's not a reptile? Erik Larsen told me on twitter so you know it's true. anyway, 1963 Mighty Man shows up to blow the SoEM's good time, and Dragon drops a bomb on them when they order him to do their dirty work: Mighty Man is a good friend of his, he's a police officer, and they're all under arrest. These guys are so racist, just because he's green he's the bad guy. He also explains why he was fighting Mighty Man in the future, because of course that came up.

In a panic, Binana splits for Earth B, while Grandfather Clock hits the remote to send Dragon back to his own time. The remote is broken in the explosion, meaning his time jumps are random from here on. Oh, man, this is the best Quantum Leap/Savage Dragon crossover since that fanfic I wrote.

Dragon arrives, seemingly, just a few years later, where the time bomb explosion chips away part of the "Coolidge Dam", a possible disaster that is naturally responded to by the Round Table of America.

Some items of note: Hummingbird, Mr. Martian, and Mike Merlin all put in their first appearances in this story. Hummingbird is sort of Hawkman and kind of the Atom; Mike Merlin is Snapper Carr with a bit of Zatanna (and after a magic sex change, full Zatanna as Ms. Merlin); and Mr. Martian is, duh, the Martian Manhunter. Anyway, the RTA fixes the dam up like new, and I discover that I hate Mike Merlin. Seriously, Snapper Carr is awesome, this guy is insufferable, even with amazing magic powers.

Dragon is saved by the Atomic Sub, and attacks Mr. Martian as soon as he comes to. The RTA has Mr. Martian's back, but Dragon mentions a Martian invasion in 1996, which I guess is a reference to the movie Mars Attacks! and the comics Image published that tied into it. It turns out htis is '65, so shortly before the Atomic Sub's death, by the way. Dragon tells his story, and the Knight Watchman picks up on Grandfather Clock's involvement immediately, but the bomb goes off seconds later.

Dragon lands in a Golden Age Dr. Weird story, where his explosion causes a house fire. Weird saves the people trapped inside, and goes to fight Dragon, but ends up hearing the guy out.

Dragon explains his predicament, and Weird can mystically tell he's being for real. Luckily, time travel is something he's familiar with; he was a scientist from the future who came back to the past and was killed, and whose spirit can't move on because he hasn't been born yet and thus shouldn't exist. Weird tries to set the time bomb to send Dragon to talk to his mentor, but when it blows, he ends up a little too far in the future.

Dragon pops in just as tryouts start, but Pantheon founders Jupiter Boy, Gravity Girl, and Clone Boy think he's one of the hopefuls and don't realize he needs help. Clone Boy's initially kind of interested in the explosive powers of this "Bomb Boy", but they don't allow people without inborn powers, and he's way too old anyway. 

Next it's 1962, at Midway City's football stadium, where the Midway Monsters are playing the Empire City Titans for the championship. Among the spectators: Reid and Jerry Randall, the Knight Watchman and Kid Galahad. A game winning field goal is shot out of the air by Grandfather Clock, who runs off with the championship trophy and prize money.

The Knight Watchman and Kid Galahad foil him, blah blah, and Dragon bursts into the picture. He yells at Grandfather Clock, who has no idea who he is or what he's talking about since this is before the Society of Evil Minds meeting. The 'misunderstanding' worsens until it's boom-boom time once more.

Yeah, it's the future. Er, the old future, at least; sometime in the 80s. An Ultiman robot brings Dragon to meet an aged, retired, powerless Chris Kelly. The robots do all the work these days, dispatched by Chris from his Command Center to deal with crises. Oh, and he's married and has a kid, and his wife is totally not Lori Lake. Is that why he moved out of the Secret Citadel, because his family couldn't live in a volcano? I just hope he still has his trophies. Anyway, Dragon asks if he can help him out, but Chris says he already has; Dragon made a jump to the 70s and there was some business with Venus that ended with the RTA getting him back to his own time. And, you know, kaboom, he's gone.

Now he's in a Brave and the Bold story. Or, uh, "Free and the Brave"; obviously the 70s, but not quite when the RTA has figured out how to help him. And this story is obviously to be continued in a later issue, as we're running out of pages pretty quick. You know, I once had a conversation on deviantArt with artist Shawn van Briesen about his work on this story, and in particular the Aparo aping.

The Knight Watchman and Dr. Weird are going to break into Grandfather Clock's place to find a remote for the time bomb. When they get there they find nothing... except for two Grandfather Clocks! He's since perfected the time bomb travel thing, you see, and even has the remotes. Both are immobilized by shock and considering how old and fat they are, probably also having heart attacks.

Weird uses one of the remotes to send the traveling Clock back whenever he came from, and tries to do the same to Dragon, who realizes this can't be the end because he hasn't met Venus yet. Throughout this whole story, Dragon's been a real cut-up, commenting sardonically about everything that happens as if he's resigned to the fate of Sam Beckett-but-not-really. This one ends with a classic: "THE END? Only time will tell!"