The Creature Commandos Continue to Continue (Weird War Tales #102)

Back with more of your favorite monster soldiers (although there aren't many others, really)! Strangely, despite their position on the cover, the CC story this issue takes a backseat to "the Dogtag Lottery". Also of note is that in this issue J.M. DeMatteis returns to the feature after being replaced by Bob Kanigher and Mike W. Barr for the last few stories.

If Hitler has a guy throw that hand grenade so close to him, I bet nobody wins out here. Oh, and since I write this part before I actually read the comic, I'm gonna guess that the real Hitler doesn't show up at all.

The story opens, for once, with the CCs nowhere in sight. Instead, we're treated to a scene inside a German boarding school, where concerned parents demand to see their children, having been disallowed any contact with them for weeks. When the children are brought out, they attack and kill their parents for "betraying the Fuhrer and all of Germany"! Afterwards, they are congratulated by their teacher, who reveals himself to be none other than Hitler himself.

Outside, and evidently at that very moment, the Shrieve, Velcro, and human form Griffith arrive at the school disguised as Nazi officers. As they're about to pass security, however, Griffith turns into werewolf mode and attacks a guard at the gate. 

 As a sidenote, I think the imperfection in Griffith's formula is kind of a neat way to make the otherwise flat "blood-crazed berserker" Griffith a little more interesting. Obviously it helps that his changes occur at the most dramatically appropriate times.

Lucky emerges from that tarp in the back of their Jeep (as if anything else would have been back there), and a skirmish erupts between the CCs and the remaining guards. As this happens, Shrieve thinks back 24 hours to the mission briefing in London. Shrieve tells the Commandos, including human Griffith, about brainwashing; Velcro sardonically notes that Shrieve will probably try it on them the first chance he gets. Shrieve, naturally doesn't deny this, only saying that brainwashing in adults isn't 100% effective due to the amount of conditioning involved -- children on the other hand...

Velcro thinks Shrieve is actually talking about Army Intelligence brainwashing kids, and even I think Shrieve wouldn't stoop that low. But Shrieve is talking about a German experiment where schoolkids were indoctrinated and injected with some chemical that gave them incredible strength -- Hitler's growing super soldiers whose only loyalty lies with him. As Creature Commandos missions go, this one's especially grim.

In the present, the CCs are dropped down a trap door activated by Hitler from a console inside the school. They're knocked out by gas and wake up in an area surrounded by barbed wire fences, where Hitler greets them personally and says they're to serve as his students' "final exam"

Velcro notices that Lucky's body language says he doesn't buy it's really Hitler; Shrieve is positive it isn't, and that it's just one of Hitler's various body doubles (told you). The kids are sicced on the CCs, and the realities of having to fight little kids start to sink in as Lucky can't bring himself to harm them, even as they're about to tear him apart.

Much as I hate to admit it, I think Shrieve is right, though I don't agree with deliberately killing the girl -- if they're young enough to get superbrainwashed they can be super-unbrainwashed.  Velcro is having trouble fighting back himself, as he identifies with them -- he's just like them, turned into a monster for an unfeeling war machine. But in the heat of the moment, his empathy evaporates after catching a vicious punch from one of the little ones, and he adopts a menacing pose, baring his fangs. The child recoils in horror, and in his fear, he finds clarity and understanding. He remembers killing his mother, and he remembers "Hitler" made him do it. He rushes at "Hitler", wrestling him to the ground and strangling the life from him before guards can stop him. "Hitler"s hairpiece falls off, revealing a bald head underneath so as to prove conclusively that he's not the ral deal.

Also, it looks like Griffith is actually not fighting back either, which strikes me as out of character. That's pretty much his only appearance in this scene -- obviously because the alternative to more or less writing him out of the story is showing him claw through dozens of cute kids. Anyway, inspired by their "brother", the other kids rebel against their captors, until what I feel is a dumb last-minute plot twist that you have to see to believe occurs.

What was that? That was probably for the sake of code approval, they couldn't have Shrieve's explosives kill all the kids even off-panel. Oh, and nice of Shrieve to sneak in one of his trademark expressions of bitter contempt towards the monsters he created in the second panel above. Griffith's in human form without explanation, so it's safe to assume he changed back sometime while he was being assaulted by those kids.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men! Part 4

Back with more Metal Men. As you may remember, last issue ended with the Metal Men (save Tin) and Doc temporarily turned to giants as they made their escape from a tyrannical giant robot queen. Also they're all chained together. So, since only Tin could fit in the rocket home, only he could go -- and he's basically their only hope of getting back to Earth, ever.

It's always great to see the Metal Men get creative with their unique powers. For instance, here Gold is making use of his malleability to turn his arms into bola-sporting ropes, whereas Iron is just trying to get the giant robot in a nasty bear hug. Also note Lead melting; besides Mercury and Tin, he has the lowest melting point of all the Metal Men.

I'm pretty much always going to include the "page 1 alternate cover angle", I really can't get enough of that. Although this is the first to have notable differences from the cover; here, Mercury is being zapped in half instead of Gold, and neither of them are really in the positions they are on the cover besides that.

Man, look at that robot design. I don't know if I'd call this a good thing or what, but it's certainly something you'd never see today -- needlenose plier hands and office chair wheels. I can't say if the artists really considered that futuristic or whatever, but it's certainly something to imagine.

The issue starts in earnest with a recap of how it all came to this. It's revealed that Tin didn't return to Earth, instead steering the rocket so that it orbits the planet everyone else is on while he frets about how to get them back to normal size sot hey can all go home. Also, it turns out that this issue marks the debut of Lead's verbal tic, wherein he can't complete a thought without saying "--Uhh--", which I've always found adorable. It's also another great example of incorporating the metal's properties into the character, as lead is very dense.

So, naturally, the first order of business for the rest of the Metal Men is breaking free of the chain they were bound with last issue. However, nothing works; it seems resistant to damage, and it grows and shrinks to thwart escape attempts.

Characters breaking the panels seems pretty ambitious, even artsy, for the time period. Man, this series really was ahead of its time, which is no doubt part of why I like it so much. Anyway, the evil robot queen seems dead bent on retrieving the Metal Men, and is seen leading a search party complete with, ahem, "hunting dogs." The Metal Men hide in the sand beneath them, and everyone gets a closer look at those "dogs".

 This was sort of hinted at in the last issue, what with the queen referring to her kind as "tin amazons" and longing for the male companionship of Tin, but these robots have sexes -- and even sexual dimorphism, as you can see here. Surprisingly, neither Doc nor Platinum makes anything out of this fact, despite it devaluing Doc's position of Platinum not being a woman.

In her fervor, the queen reveals the chain's secret; it's secured by a time lock, and she has the "key" in the form of a clock/dial on her chest. She just keeps turning the dial back and resetting the clock now and then, which seems like a bother that could have been avoided with a regular keyed lock. Still, now Doc knows how to get free from the chain -- by setting the clock's timer to zero.

The Metal Men escape the queen's notice, but are soon swooped up by a robot hawk or condor or something, who takes them back to its nest. Platinum tries to pull one of the Metal Men's favorite moves, the stay-behind self-sacrifice.

Everyone else rappels down Mercury to the bottom of the cliff the nest is situated on, when Doc realizes that Platinum is still attached to the chain and can thus be retrieved. Gold turns into a fishing reel, which is cranked by Iron to pull Platinum down -- but naturally this just pulls the bird down with her, as she's unwilling to let it go so it can nab them again. Doc may not have anticipated this, but he has a plan. And as plans go, it's a pretty simple one: hit it with a big hammer.

Note that he's still caught in the chain for this. Naturally, the strongest Metal Man wielding the toughest Metal Man as a weapon = one busted up robot bird. Incidentally, Lead also turned into a huge hammer wielded by Iron in the first issue, which I didn't cover because I found it boring. Still, between this and Gold's recent shenanigans (like the deck of cards thing from last issue), the Metal Men now all firmly have "creative shapeshifting" as a power; in a minute this will get ridiculous. Yes, more ridiculous than it already is.

With the team reunited, we cut to Tin, who decides to head back to the planet to retrieve his friends and teammates (and whatever Doc is to him, I guess). The queen sees the rocket as it approaches the surface and tries to fire on it, but misses repeatedly and blames it on the dog-men. She tells them to prove themselves worthy of freedom by finding the Metal Men, and they give chase in the direction the rocket was headed.

At that same moment, Tin sees that he's on a direct collision course with the Metal Men, who can't possibly get out of the way in time. Worse still, the fruit juice that made them giants has long worn off without their noticing (though the bird being giant should have been a sign). Clamoring to escape, everyone runs in different directions

Tin is forced to alter his course into the river seen above. Tin thinks this a suicidal maneuver, making this the second attempted sacrifice this issue. Everyone is touched by Tin's bravery, but don't consider him a lost cause and rush to save him just as the queen and her "dogs" arrive on the scene. The queen laughs at their foolishness, as the creatures under the water are extremely deadly

Underwater, Doc realizes that no one else realizes the he can't survive indefinitely underwater; it's not until he nearly passes out that Platinum sees the state he's in. Gold turns into a submarine that houses everyone else (though he doesn't surface for air, so I guess he drained the water out somehow)

With a giant crab bearing down on Tin in the rocket, there's only one thing to do: use Iron and Lead as freaking torpedoes. 

This is sort of a cheat, in that it's not obvious at first that Lead and Iron are still bound to the chain inside the sub (note the "tails" of the torpedoes above); I read this part five, six, seven times before I realized that's what that was. Surfacing to meet Tin as he leaves the rocket, they discover the queen has the rocket in her pincer, and she snaps up the golden sub as well! 

The scene from the cover occurs, though no one is hurt. At Doc's instruction, Platinum manages to turn the timer to 0, finally freeing them from the chain. This changes little, as the queen still has them right where she wants them, and does serious damage to everyone but Platinum and Doc -- until Platinum gives a speech about "the difference between men and dogs", inspiring the giant robot men to rebel against their captors.

With the evil queen trounced, the Metal Men board their rocket (with the blessing of the robotic men) and head back to Earth. With Lead, Iron, Gold, and Mercury in the Metal Recovery Room, Tin thanks Doc for trusting him with steering the rocket back to Earth. Doc can't hear him, as in his exhaustion he fell asleep in Platinum's lap; naturally, she's overjoyed, feeling almost as if he considered her a real woman. So far this is the first issue I've looked at where the ending didnt' introduce a plot thread for the next issue to tackle, unless you count the Metal Men's return to Earth.

It all started with the Big Bang, part 4 (Issue #3)

Back with more Big Bang; last issue was squarely 50s (the Knight Watchman story) and 40s (the Badge story), but we're moving into more solidly Silver Age material now with a classic "Superdickery" style cover.

Again, can't help but notice how much more purple the body of the Knight Watchman's costume is on these covers, I imagine that's very deliberate. Also, take note of the yellow outline around the shield emblem, which mirrors the yellow oval Batman symbol.

Table of contents includes a dedication to the then-recently deceased Curt Swan, incidentally; all too appropriate, given that this story is specifically inspired by the material of Swan's tenure drawing everything Superman. Also, there's no Dr. Weird text story this time, so the headlining Ultiman story is a little longer than the ones we've seen up to now.

This is the first real Ultiman story, even taking the original Caliber run into account; it's here that you learn all about his background and stuff like that.

For instance, Chris King was an astronaut who gained his powers when his space capsule was hit by a radioactive meteor. Coincidentally, this resembles the backstory of the original Ultraman somewhat, as he was a human astronaut who gained powers from anti-kryptonite. Anyway, Ultiman has worked for the government ever since. And while his identity as Chris Kelly is known to the public and his co-workers, he has another...

I have to hand it to writer Gary Carlson; most "Superman"-types are mild-mannered glasses-sporting guys who work some print job; the Samaritan is a fact-checker, the Sentry wrote encyclopedias, and Supreme is a comic book artist, for instance. And, however obvious this charade would probably seem in real life, I think it's sort of cute that "Carl" being Chris' identical twin explains away the resemblance.

Chris, as Ultiman, emerges from his office, and is informed by Gen. Black that a giant robot is robbing the Empire City bank. Ultiman surmises this is the work of his arch-enemy Dexter Cortex, who is essentially Lex Luthor and Brainiac combined into one. Meanwhile, Lori is upset that Ultiman is always ignoring her -- why can't he be the Kelly brother always asking her out?

Cutting to the bank, we see that "giant robot" is a pretty generous description of Cortex's machine; it's basically a tank with arms that end in simple pincer hands. It's also green and purple, no doubt in reference to Lex Luthor's color scheme of choice. Cortex is a bald, bespectacled, scientist who, as a caption informs us, went insane after hooking his mind up to a computer. This probably has something to do with the antennae coming out of his head.

I'm also seeing a bit of Sivana in Cortex, but I don't know if that's intentional. Sorry, this is going to be a longer one, since as I said this introduces you to everything you need to know about Ultiman. Cortex blasts him with a strange ray gun, but it seems to have no effect besides turning the wall behind Ultiman into a mirror-like surface. When Ultiman grabs him, Cortex explodes, having been a robotic double all along. Ultiman hints that he may have never actually met or seen the real Cortex. Ultiman leaves, thinking Cortex's "mirror gun" was harmless enough, though he does take it to his Secret Citadel for study. However, as he leaves, the bystanders looking at the mirrored wall disperse to reveal that Ultiman's reflection remains.

Naturally, what follows is a "Superman III" style "Evil Superman" plotline, although it's one that had been done many times in comics prior to that movie. There's several different versions of "Evil Superman", not even counting Bizarro.

This guy is kind of like Bizarro, though, except he's evil and looks just like Ultiman. Chris, as Carl, hears about this evil Ulitiman from a newspaper story, and knows the only way to clear his name is to venture out as Ultiman to get to the bottom of this. His first stop is his Secret Citadel, located in an active volcano and accessed via giant combination lock. There, he finds all of the evil Ultiman's stolen loot, as well as a busted up Ultiman robot

I feel like Ultiman is missing some key data, namely that he totally didn't do any of this stuff. I don't know about you, but I would suspect an impostor at this point. The Knight Watchman heads to the Citadel himself looking for answers, using the Flying Shield's laser to enter the door's combination, and in a classic "cover straight up lies to you" twist, he discovers Ultiman about to kill himself with the atomic chair. The Knight Watchman unplugs it before he has the chance, and vows to prove that his friend is innocent.

Just then, the other Ultiman, "Reverso", arrives at the Citadel to store more loot. Again, he looks identical to Ultiman, but it turns out he's "backwards" -- he's left handed, his fingerprints are backwards, and he even talks backwards.

Their fight eventually takes them to the original mirror wall. Reverso tries to smash the mirror, but Ultiman realizes this must be the key to stopping him. The Knight Watchman, lying in wait, shouts for Ultiman to duck as he fires the mirror gun. Naturally, Ultiman ducks, but Reverso doesn't, and he's sent back into the mirror, which Ultiman smashes before anything else has a chance to come out of it. Later, Lori receives flowers from Ultiman and jokes that if everyone had an opposite number, Carl's would be a real saint. "Carl" winks at the reader and the story comes to a close.

Time to move on with the Thunder Girl story

That's right, two consecutive "evil double" stories in this one. And I just want to say, I find Binana way too comical considering the fact that I'm older than 7. I also can't get enough of that "big green cheesecake" thing; naturally, it's something he calls Thunder Girl all the time. As it happens, I'm not going to insult your intelligence by explaining what all this stuff represents vs. Captain Marvel, since any braindead moron knows.

So the story opens with Binana behind bars -- at the zoo, naturally. They can imprison his body but they can't inhibit his intellect, so he's still a genius inventor and can still talk. He effects an escape by using a "brain extender' he created to control a nearby gorilla, forcing it to pry open the bars to its cage, and thereafter his. In his underground lair, Binana's mind starts working towards creating an enemy Thunder Girl can't possibly defeat.

Weeks later, high school student Molly Wilson witnesses notorious bank robbers Penny and Claude escaping from the scene of their latest heist. Naturally, she's Thunder Girl, and turns into her. 

A couple items of interest (in my opinion): one, the transformation is triggered by a magic word and a physical action, essentially a combination of Captain Marvel and Mar-Vell's transformation triggers. Two, I don't know that Thunder Girl is all that different looking from Molly, which is unusual for your Captain Marvel takeoffs. 

So when Thunder Girl catches up with them, they go through the old "shoot the invulnerable hero" bit and TG  effortlessly nabs Claude... only for Penny to seemingly conjure up strong winds and turn into th villainous Tornado Girl, seen two pics ago. A way too long flashback explains how Binana gave her the ability to turn into, uh, evil Thunder Girl. When the two come to blows, Thunder Girl goes down early and is brought to Binana's lab for, you know, research. Before she can be strapped to an operating table, however, she reveals she had been playing possum all along, and she quickly incapacitates Binana and Penny with a power that Captain Marvel doesn't have -- the ability to generate electricity from her body. Claude gives up, and soon Thunder Girl is hauling them to wherever they belong.

The Creature Commandos continue (Weird War Tales #100)

This is the big one -- the CCs aren't quite permanent headliners yet, but they were a big enough deal that they starred in the cover story of WWT's 100th issue. This is something of a crossover between the CCs and "the War that Time Forgot", a feature that chronicled the numerous attempts made by Allied forces to capture Dinosaur Island, which is exactly what it sounds like.

This episode was also adapted into the Batman: The Brave and the Bold cartoon, which added Myrra Rhodes and Batman himself to the team and featured the Ultra-Humanite (in a T-Rex body) as the villain.

So, despite last being seen in occupied France, this story takes the CCs to the Pacific, where they ambush a Japanese landing party at the edge of a jungle. There's a whole page dedicated to summing up who the Creature Commandos are and how they got that way, but if you've been reading along with me you basically know that already. As usual, despite being greatly outnumbered the CC have the upper hand, but as the battle is nearly over, even more bizarre creatures emerge from the jungle -- dinosaurs drawn without any reference or scale! 

The CCs escape the dinosaur, uh, stampede, regrouping in the jungle. Shrieve fiddles with a camera as he recalls their mission.

Shrieve and Velcro discuss how the discovery of the dinosaurs has screwed up everything. Shrieve, for his part, thinks they can be an asset to the mission. Later, as Shrieve forages for food, they run afoul of a massive, hostile, fakey dinosaur.

This is a tough fight for all involved (except the dinosaur I guess). As Shrieve frantically takes pictures of the beast, Velcro tries to distract it in his nimble bat form, but can't hold its attention while Griffith claws at its back. The dinosaur bucks, sending Griffith hurtling "hundreds of yards" away. When he lands, he's involuntarily turned human, and even worse, is captured by a Japanese patrol. Lucky ends up climbing up its neck, which he manages to snap in two. 

Griffith remains captured for about one page; he's tortured in human form by a Japanese officer, but the session is cut short by the other CCs arriving and wrecking the place. Griffith turns back into his werewolf form to take revenge on his tormentor. Shrieve is about to use a stolen Japanese radio to inform HQ about the situation when he sees the convoy they'd been sent to stop passing by. Thinking quickly, Shrieve scales a rock face to reach a pteranodon's nest, and basically does exactly what you would expect Shrieve to do: shoot helpless baby animals.

They grab onto the pteranodon and Shrieve starts steering it towards the convot. As Shrieve had anticipated, the pteranodon doesn't appreciate the Creature Commandos wrangling her, and her screams attract the attention of the other pteranodons on the island, as well as the sea-dwelling creatures that live in the water around it. They ravage the Japanese convoy, enraged by her cries. The CCs even do their part, landing on a Japanese cruiser and doing their thing.

The team escapes on a life raft. As they await extraction, Shrieve is very pleased with the mission's outcome -- especially the pictures he took. Army Intelligence is going to turn those dinosaurs into beasts of battle the second they see the photographic evidence. Man, Shrieve never met a freak he didn't want to exploit, did he? The Creature Commandos share a knowing look, and Lucky grabs the camera from Shrieve's hands, flinging it into the ocean.

This is a great ending to this story because it encapsulates how the team "works". The individual Creature Commandos are extremely different people who rarely get along very well, but they also share a strong sense of brotherhood as Shrieve's "freaks" -- and an even stronger resentment towards Shrieve. And, to be honest, it's pretty well-deserved, there's very little to like about him besides the way he fills out that sweater.

The Senses-Shattering Saga of the Metal Men (part 3)

I think it's important to get my Metal Men stuff done all in a cluster and not broken up by months of other stuff (only days of it!), because as I've mentioned before, it's one of the only comics of its era to follow a continuing storyline from issue to issue. Last issue ended with Tin careening through space, holding twisted mutant lifeforms from the moon inside him. As with Platinum's brief "death", this isn't to last -- and, also as with Platinum, Tin is (apparently) returning first as a villain.

Is that even necessarily an "evil" Tin, so much as simply a giant one? I get the feeling this is EXACTLY what regular ol' Tin would do if here were suddenly giant sized. Also, maybe it's just me, but I would've gone for the yo-yo first. 

Another angle on the cover, duh (although with Lead and Tina having switched places, and a totally different arrangement of items in the machine, I can't help but notice. Also, get real, scissors? Just buy some damn scissors.) This strikes me as a bold, almost artistic thing to do, and it's not something I've seen in any other Silver Age comic, though most imitate the cover or at least "adapt" it in some way on the first page. Dang, the claw machine has knobs instead of a joystick, too -- this must take place after the 500 times Tin didn't get anything.

Well that's a sad note to begin on. Of course, it was a sad note for last issue to end on, too. Note the discarded rocket stage; if this comic were made today there would be 15 more of those in every panel. Anyway, Tin, naturally, is feeling quite lonely, but he's also dedicated to containing the horrible microbes. People around the world keep track of Tin's orbit, evidently mesmerized by his misfortune. A scientist remarks that if the microbes housed in Tin were to ever escape, Earth would be in terrible danger, effectively cursing Tin to eternity orbiting Earth. Jeez, this comic doesn't mess around. 

Even though I know this will be reversed by the end, it still feels like a gutsy move to put a main character in such a predicament. If I had to explain the difference between this and, say, that issue of Superman's Girlfriend Lois Lane where Lois is turned into a centaur, I'd have to say that this wasn't a shock-value "buy this comic" stunt -- it's not mentioned on the cover, for instance, and you'd only know about it if you'd read the previous issue.

Back at Doc's lab, Lead, Iron, Gold, and Mercury are all looking at Tin's lonely orbit via a huge telescope with a bunch of eyepieces. Platinum bothers Doc, who is hard at work trying to figure out how to save Tin. He exasperatedly refers to her as a "woman"; naturally, Platinum isn't going to let him hear the end of this and takes it as a sign that he's finally warming up to her.

Elsewhere, trouble is brewing, as the tyrannical queen of a planet of robots has fallen in love with Tin.

Is it me or do they look like a robot prop for a crappy 60s sci-fi show, easily constructed out of stuff a tv studio would have lying around? So the queen sends a team to capture Tin for her, and it's hinted that she has the wrong idea about tin because all she's seen of him is his bloating "tin can" form, and the picture she had taken of him doesn't provide a good look at his face. 

Back at Doc's lab, each of the Metal Men shows just how much they care for Tin by offering to take his place. Even Mercury, who spins it into trying to one-up Gold. Doc angrily barks that he's the scientist around here, and he doesn't need to be bossed around by his own creations. Clearly, even Doc is put out of sorts by Tin's absence. That's sweet, it really is.

So Doc already had a plan before Platinum started bugging him -- they'll go up to Tin in a rocket, transfer the microbes to Lead, melt Lead down until the microbes are dead, and, finally, repair Lead. Man, with Doc, if it's not metal robots, it's rockets. 

Tin's orbiting the Earth still (duh), and passes the Sputnik, when the "tin amazon" rocket comes towards him. Reading that he contains deadly microbes, the ship's crew bursts him open with a laser blast, releasing the microbes just in time for the Metal Men to see. As the aliens grab Tin and take him away, Doc is forced to take care of the microbes first before they can endanger Earth again. 

Lead goes back into the rocket via a hatch that leads to a smelter, for the "melting down Lead" part of the microbe extermination plan. As Lead boils, the Metal Men basically make their version of small talk, with Platinum weeping about Tin, Doc telling her she's just a robot, Mercury insulting her, that sort of thing. Soon the microbes are destroyed, and in a move that surprised me, Lead is reassembled and A-OK to continue on the adventure. Meanwhile, Tin is presented to the alien robot queen.

Determined to make Tin the titan she dreamed of, she angrily berates her scientists for not "adjusting" him beforehand, and demands they make him to her liking immediately. The Metal Men tracked Tin's captors and land on the planet; before they get anywhere, Mercury pressures Doc to force Platinum to stay behind, due to her "defective responsometer" -- until she saves them from a giant robot falcon. It looks like all the life on this planet is mechanical (and giant), with flowers looking like gears on top of pipes. Soon Doc's jaw drops as he sees a giant tin robot falconer wheeling towards them.

Doc foils the giant falconer (who was looking for "toys" to amuse the queen) by having Gold use his unique malleability to turn into a deck of cards, which Iron then "shoots" at the giant

To think just two issues ago Gold got razzed for having no unique power or ability. Their victory is short-lived, as they're ambushed by another giant who hits them with a freeze-ray. Doc tries to confess something to Platinum before he freezes solid, but can't get it out. Awww. Doc and the Metal Men are placed on a "charm bracelet" for the queen, which is the chain they're wrapped in on the cover.

The queen's scientists succeed in making Tin giant by exposing him to native food. He grows to the queen's size, and stops stammering -- but becomes a gigantic ass at the same time, a literal tin tyrant. The Metal Men are wheeled in, inside the prize machine on the cover. Tin doesn't seem to remember them, but as they caught his eye, wins them from the machine immediately. Turns out I was kind of wrong -- this is, more or less, evil Tin (although it's really more like the "Asshole Superman from Superman III" version of Tin). 

Tin madly pounds them against the table and into a bowl of fruit, soaking them in fruit juice. Platinum's screams snap him out of his trance -- though he still doesn't stammer, he's the Tin we know again, and he bravely affects an escape with the Metal Men in tow. But when they get back to the rocket, Tin shrinks to his normal size as everyone else grows giant, due to exposure to the fruit juice! 

As no one else will fit in the rocket, and they can't wait for everyone else to turn normal again because the queen's stooges are on their heels, Tin is forced to head back to Earth alone, which is an ironic development , as this means the adventure both began and ended with Tin missing the Metal Men and vice versa. Doc and the other Metal Men are still chained together, and have to evade capture from the evil queen's minions as they await some unlikely rescue by Tin. This is the first issue so far where nobody's dead at the end, I should mention.

Let me tell you something about this comic -- this comic used giant robot fruit juice as a plot point and I care about what happens to the people affected by it. 

It all started with the Big Bang! Part 3 (Issue #2)

Moving on with another issue of Big Bang Comics, this one is as interesting as the previous one for a few reasons.

That's one right there -- this issue features a team-up between the Knight Watchman and a fake Silver Age version of Image character Shadowhawk. Meaning, yes, Batman is teaming up with Batman. Incidentally, calling those aliens red is pretty charitable, and the Knight Watchman overdid it a little with the purple here.

So, Dick Sprang style places this in the fake 50s, and the story is about being invaded by angry reds. In case that's too subtle for you, the story opens at a US Senate hearing chaired by a Senator MacNamara. MacNamara is trying to crack down on costumed superheroes, and challenges any of them to come forward and speak in their defense. This challenge is heard both by the Knight Watchman in his Watchtower and Shadowhawk in his Shadowlair. They both decide to head for Washington immediately to give their testimony. 

As it happens, Shadowhawk also has a kid sidekick, Squirrel, who is also his son. I'm not especially familiar with Shadowhaw, so I don't know if that's based on anything from the character's history, but I would be surprised if it were.

Anyway, the Pentagon receives a message from one of the red aliens on the cover and title page, and the Knight Watchman and Shadowhawk both run into a flying saucer on their way to Washington. I just want to point out Shadowhawk's "Shadowcar" real quick, it's amazing.

They start tailing the saucer, and it starts to dive sharply until it crashes into the ground. They get out to take a look and introduce each other; apparently they know of one another but have never met before. Cut to a secret lair in Washington, where the mysterious hooded Agent X receives radio communication from some guy about their saucer.

J. Edgar Hoover puts the Knight Watchman and Shadowhawk on the saucer crash investigation, and the Knight Watchman soon realizes it's not an alien craft, but the creation of his old friend Dr. Igor Eisner, who has been missing for some months. The Knight Watchman says the saucer was wired to crash if it got close to the Flying Shield, and notices a clue hidden in the wiring, as well, and this is a perfect example of Silver Age silliness if I ever saw one. 

As you can imagine, Agent X has Eisner captive, but not for long, as the Knight Watchman and Shadowhawk burst into the room and start clobbering Agent X's fake alien goons. Agent X is about to get away when Dr. Eisner stops him by throwing his t-square ruler at him. Agent X is unmasked, revealing Senator MacNamara, who was trying to discredit masked heroes so nobody would be able to stop him. The story closes out with a hearty handshake between our heroes, who also have crazy huge smiles on their faces.

Moving on to the real money story this issue, starring the Badge.

The Badge (and the Rookies, Bobbie and Trooper) are the second interesting thing in this issue -- virtually everything in Big Bang Comics is based on DC material, and while this is partially true of the Badge by way of the Guardian, he's mostly Captain America, especially owing to his costumed kid sidekicks and their marching band uniforms. Note the credited names: Jack Simmons and Joe Kingler, mangled versions of Joe Simon and Jack "the King" Kirby.

So the Public Enemy #1 the newsboy is barking about is Louie "Scarface" Provolone, who is for all intents and purposes Al Capone, duh. As he's taken to the electric chair, the Badge and the Rookies wait atop a city rooftop for the telltale toll of midnight (wherever this is it has a huge clocktower with bells). The Badge is happy to be rid of Scarface, but knows that someone else will take his place sooner or later. 

A bank security guard tells them that he fired the shots, at thieves -- but bullets didn't slow these guys down! They wore gowns and had skin white as snow. As the Rookies follow some footprints they found, the Badge responds to a cry for help from a nearby apartment, where a woman claims her recently dead husband robbed her. Her description of him matches that of the bank robbers. Knowing that at least one of the culprits is supposed to be dead, the Badge does the logical thing and goes to the morgue, which is incidentally where the footprints led.

"A week's allowance" -- are these his kids? Anyway, Dr. Cadaver, who is clearly the most trustworthy, honest man in the world, laughs at the idea of bodies getting up and walking... until Bobbie points out fresh mud on Lieber's, and the Badge notes a man whose toe tag says he drowned has clearly been shot.

I'm just going to hope Cadaver would have disposed of that evidence had he the chance; these guys did kind of come minutes after the zombies returned, and all. So Cadaver confesses that he reanimates corpses to commit crimes, and calls himself the city's new crime boss. He also pulls a gun on them and makes it clear that they aren't leaving alive if he has anything to say about it. Jeez, the Badge was talking about a new bad guy filling the void left by Scarface, but the first known zombie crime was mere moments after Scarface's death. 

Cadaver uses comic book science and a big console with levers to control the zombies; he commands them to kill the Badge and the Rookies as a demonstration. While Trooper and the Badge contend with the zombies, control over them is wrested from Cadaver by Bobbie. However, Cadaver has a surprise in store: a resurrected Louie "Scarface" Provolone! Would Cadaver really have his body not half an hour after his execution? 

Scarface feels no pain and his body is hard as rock now, so he's more dangerous than ever. When the Badge resorts to using Cadaver's dropped gun, the bullets sink into Scarface's flesh harmlessly. At first, he's still not sure what happened to him; he doesn't seem to remember his execution. Cadaver tells him everything, including the "Dr. Cadaver is the new crime boss" thing, as he hands Scarface a tommy gun. Naturally, Scarface objects to being anybody's lackey and shoots Cadaver full of lead first thing.

I just realized that this story has gangsters, zombies, kid sidekicks, and lots of gunshots -- if the Phantom Lady were here, every Comics Code no-no would be represented. The gun jams, giving Bobbie the time to flip the switch on Cadaver's console, "turning off" the zombie crime boss -- for good this time, ideally. Is it me or did Bobbie do all the real work throughout the caper? The Badge and Trooper better step it up next time. Glad to be done with this, the heroes leave after taking note of Cadaver's body. However, a police medical examiner later discovers that Cadaver has been dead for months. DUN DUN DUUUUN.

The Creature Commandos continue (Weird War Tales #97)

WWT #97 marks the second appearance of the Creature Commandos, and it's about a year's worth of upcoming issues before they graduate to permanent headliner status along with G.I. Robot.

Having read ahead a little, I feel like the team really is missing something without Myrra Rhodes; shame she's not coming up for a little while. 

Anyway, the story opens with the Commandos still in occupied France after their first mission. Velcro does some aerial recon in bat form before swooping down, turning back into vampire mode, and meeting with the others.

I didn't think Death's opening was interesting enough to mention, but like in the team's last appearance, he's wearing a different uniform in the CC story than he was in the whole comic's introduction.

Again, I think Velcro is really the figure you're meant to identify with the most, and I find that pretty interesting since he's a murderous ex-con turned vampire. Shrieve and Griffith both bark at Velcro to give his report; Velcro inwardly reminds himself that underneath Griffith's furry muzzle is a cowardly weakling, which helps stay any fear he might feel towards the werewolf. Velcro reports that the intelligence they received was right on, and is positive the Germans in the nearby encampment know the location of captured Allied VIP Dr. Frederique. 

Based on the "every issue is someone's first" principle, everybody's origin gets a token mention before the action starts. Oh, and I know Shrieve is the worst of the bunch, but I think we need to be honest with ourselves and admit that Griffith is just barely below him on that hierarchy. Anyway, Shrieve doesn't see any point in waiting and has the team mount an assault. The following page is a really great example of the Creature Commandos in action, their effect on enemy soldiers and all that.

Some of the Germans survive and run for their lives; Shrieve tries to take some credit for that despite having done nothing. Lucky busts open the doors on that armored truck, which Shrieve suspects contains Dr. Frederique. Frederique turns out to be an attractive young woman, who is naturally frightened by the Creature Commandos. Shrieve is all too happy to comfort her. As they trek to the rendezvous point, Frederique and Shrieve discover they disagree on some fundamental issues: Frederique grew to like her captors somewhat after seeing that they are just normal guys. Shrieve thinks every "Nazi pig" is just as bad as Hitler himself, and can't wrap his head around the idea of a good German. Frederique remarks that it's easy to think that way when you see a group as a faceless mass, rather than as individuals, as men.

There's a relatively pointless scene where Griffith saves the group from feral wolves (while, naturally, horrifying Frederique) and Lucky takes care of a huge tree that was in their way.

They reach the rendezvous point, which is heavily fortified and filled with German troops; it turns out Frederique is an impostor, a German spy who was meant to lure them to their dooms. However, at the last second, she sacrifices herself to save them -- she saw the American monsters for the men they are inside.

The commandos clear out the village with incredibly brutality and rapidity. Velcro suggests they bury Frederique, or whoever she was, but Shrieve doesn't see why they should bother.

Is that a tear running down Shrieve's face? Jeez, I had no idea he had emotions besides hatred. He's turning into every bit the tragic monster his "freaks" already are. Am I being too hard on him? Maybe. I guess it's a little ironic that I have trouble seeing Shrieve as human compared to the Creature Commandos themselves.